Careese Themes
by iheartShules
Summary: 100 Oneshots 100 Prompts. I explain better in the very first TOP AUTHOR'S NOTE! 9th prompt is up: Tease. Rated M definitely M for smut :D
1. Freckles

_**Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY IT BETTER EXPLAINS THE SERIES OF ONESHOTS THAT WILL BE COLLECTED HERE! THANKS :D  
**_

_**This is a huge undertaking for myself, 100 chapters kind of freaks me out, but excites me at the same time. So I hope you guys will enjoy this. To better explain the premise is that every chapter will be a new oneshot using a prompt(which will be the theme of the story, see I'm so unoriginal with titles lol) I was given from my friends. No story will go past one chapter, but if I get a lot of requests to expand on a certain oneshot(all chapters will have the prompt as the name of the chapter) I will write a companion piece to go along with it on the side, only per request don't want to drive you guys nuts with my writing.**_

_**Ratings, warnings, spoiler info, where in the seasons the story takes place, and the relationship status of Careese(i.e. pre, estasblished, or post) will be posted at the top of every prompt including this one(but don't worry you won't have to listen to me ramble on and on in anymore top author's notes I promise)**_

_**I started the Careese Themes with a light-hearted story but I can guarantee that I'll be having some angsty, smutty, and even tearjerkers stories along the way. I don't own anything of the show like normal just my imagination that I feel the need to share with you guys(against your will). So with all that being said I'll shut up now and allow you to read on:**_

_**Prompt: Freckles**_

_**Rating:T (for slight sexual situations)**_

_**Warnings: fluff that could possibly melt your heart(seriously it's super fluffy, be ready)**_

_**Spoilers: none  
**_

_**Setting: sometime season2**_

_**Relationship status: Established**_

* * *

Her heart felt full. Joss laid in John's large king sized bed with the morning sun glowing through his gigantic windows, warming her bare back while kissing his pale skin. John laid facing her on his side, while she had rolled over from her position of snuggly and possessively pulled to him. She loved that even in his sleep he was possessive. She had rolled over nearly an hour ago, listening to his small moan of protest, but not another peep made it out of him. He was so tired. It had been a long day of saving a number, followed by a longer night of making love. She loved that he couldn't seem to keep his hands to himself, they were still indulging in the 'honeymoon' stage of their relationship, even though they've been together for well over six months now.

Her eyes roamed over sleeping beauty who hadn't awakened yet, his beautiful eyes remained closed those ridiculously long eyelashes remained splayed across his ivory cheeks. Instead of lying on his pillow, she propped herself up a bit by pillowing her head on her right arm. Her fingers on her left hand itched to touch him. But she refused herself. Instead she silently watched him, taking all of John Reese in. The casual way his flat stomach rose and fell in rhythm was almost hypnotic, his lips slightly parted as he breathed through his mouth was tantalizing as it was mesmerizing. These were the rare moments where his guard wasn't raised, these were the moments where she got to appreciate all that he was, and take her fill of him to her heart's content.

She held her breath when he murmured something, before rolling onto his back. Joss, scooted closer to his body, and laid a hand on his warm skin. Since being together they had explored one another's bodies from top to bottom. She traced and licked every scar (just as he had hers) that she found on his body, wondering how he survived some of the wounds he sustained, while marveling at the minor ones that he must of gotten when he was kid. She found a delectable one, a small scar from chicken pox on his side, and he had squirmed when she teased her fingertips across it learning he was ticklish. John Reese, ticklish, made her warm and fuzzy inside. She felt self-assured, she had kissed and thoroughly loved every scar he had, now she was on her next mission; count all his freckles.

Joss smiled lazily at him. She shifted her gaze down finding one immediately on his shoulder, so she nuzzled in and kissed it softly.

"One," she murmured more to herself than John who was still asleep. She found another mentally counting 'two' before pressing her soft lips against it. She continued her extensive exploration of his chest in hot pursuit of quenching her thirst for the answer to the mystery that was now nagging at her. Joss noted that John was slowly awakening, he muttered something that sounded like "not now" but she couldn't be sure. She pulled the comforter and sheet down so they barely covered him.

"Fifteen," she spoke louder this time not bothering to try to not wake him. She swirled her tongue around the small freckle she found on his hip. Joss looked up, seeing his eyes open and those baby blues looking down at her. "Morning sleepyhead." She greeted as he yawned, clearly not wide awake, and so damned cute she couldn't resist abandoning her freckle hunt to kiss the man she loved. She crawled back up, catching his mouth in a quick and loving kiss.

"Morning, Joss." she slithered out of his hold before diving under the covers.

"What are you doing?" he asked softly as he lifted the covers to stare down at her.

"I'm hunting down your freckles." She found another on his upper thigh, giving it a loving kiss, before looking back up at him. "Sixteen."

"Come here," he reached down but she warded him off.

"No, I'm not done." She licked his inner knee.

"I don't have one on my knee, Joss."

"I know I just wanted to kiss you there." He laughed softly. She loved getting him to laugh, it was such a rarity she always felt like she just achieved an impossible feat or something. Joss sighed as his hand grasped her arm tightly as he urged her up and she laid on top of him. John's lips trailed across her neck, while she put her hands on either side of his head to lean back a little. He had his arms wrapped around her bare ass. "Let go, John, you know how I hate having an unsolved mystery!" she felt a rumble of laughter against her body.

"It annoys you," he murmured against her skin.

"Yes, so let me go, I have a quest to finish." She wiggled but with no success. The man's arms were like bands of steel around her. His tongue darted out trailing across her skin so smooth, so soft, and so warm. Sex later, freckle counting now! She squirmed, wiggled, struggled, shimmied, and then huffed when nothing would get those arms to relinquish their hold on her. "You're a big-big jerk, you know that, John." Okay, so she was reduced to name-calling which was juvenile at best, but he was so much stronger than her she couldn't go anywhere until he deemed to let her. It wasn't fair.

"Why?"

"You know this is torturing me not having the answer to a question that I have." If she wasn't in such an awkward yet perfect position she would have crossed her arms across her chest in indignation.

"Uh-huh," he snickered as he leaned back on the pillow. "I bet it's really annoying you to know you were so close to learning the answer, but now can't." She moved a little, testing, trying to see if he relaxed his hold, he hadn't.

"I'm a detective, John it's my job to seek answers." He let out a loud laugh. Joss refused to allow that sexy sound get to her. Nope, she was now miffed, he was still holding her in an iron tight clasp. She let out a squeal when he rolled them over. He trailed a finger across her sternum. She trembled, hating that her body was responding to his, she was trying to hold onto her irritation at him. Her mind was going to explode if she didn't find out how many freckles he had on his body.

"One," he responded softly, seductively, before dipping his head down and kissing her shoulder softly. He moved his finger to just above the swell of her breast. "Two," he murmured swirling his tongue across her skin there, before his tongue moved lower. She moaned when she felt that velvety tongue swipe lovingly across her nipple. "Three." He said quietly before lifting his head to stare into her eyes.

"John, I don't have any freckles there." Oh dear lord, she sounded like she was running a marathon. She was so out of breath and it was this man that did this to her; him and only him.

"I know, I wasn't counting freckles." The wide smile was so brilliant, so beautiful; it nearly took what was left of her breath away. She was always in awe of his smile, it transformed him, making him look boyish.

"Well then, what were you counting?"

"How long it would take you to realize I let you go." She blinked, realizing he had let her go. His arms were beside her head, she could roll him over at any time her heart desired. "You know for a detective, you're not very good at observing if you let me distract you." Her eyes widened and the big oaf had the audacity to laugh at her. She grabbed him, then using her hips rolled him over until he landed flat on his back. She pinned his hands to the mattress with hers. The twinkling of mischief in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by her. She perched herself on top of him knowing he could easily flip them over, but she knew he wouldn't.

She was going to wipe that smug smirk off his handsome face. Joss leaned down catching his mouth in a hot and searing kiss. He sighed as his mouth opened wide beneath hers, she took the open invitation and slid her tongue deep into his mouth licking at his. Once she was sure she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen was when she let them both up for air, his raspy breathing was so sexy. She nuzzled her nose against the column of his neck finding his racing pulse, before fitting her lips there and sucked. John's moan was music to her ears. She lifted away.

"I'll show you who's not good at observing, you seem to forget I learned all your spots, and I'll even count all your freckles while I drive you crazy." She assured him, still holding his hands to the mattress.

"I would love to see you try, detective." She heard the challenge, she grinned happily.

"What do I get when I win?" she demanded as she nipped his chin.

"Anything you want." He moaned softly as she suckled at the same spot as she had earlier. This was going to be so easy, and she was going to get John to go with her to her girlfriend's wedding. She wouldn't even have to bribe him either.

"Anything?! Okay I'll take that bet." She agreed. She had a lot riding on this, her reputation as a detective, a wager of getting anything she wanted from John, learning the answer to her new unsolved mystery, and her feminine pride. All she had to do was rock John's world while keeping count of his freckles, piece of cake.

Nearly an hour later, she won the bet.

* * *

Author's note: 1 down only 99 more to go ;P

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX to Elaine for reading/proofing these for me I feel bad for you, you are going to be getting 100 chapters to read over for me lol.

Anyways thanks for reading everyone, I look forward to hearing your thoughts...let me know if you hate this idea of having 100 mini stories!


	2. Reunion

_**Two minor things before you read on, thank you to SWWoman for allowing me to use Davis as John's real legal surname, I adore you and your writing so much! Secondly I had no idea if we ever learned Joss' maiden name, so if we did then please ignore the name I used because I couldn't remember the name whatsoever, or if we even learned it lol. Okay read on:**_

_**Prompt: Reunion**_

_**Rating: T (strong language, very slight sexual situations)**_

_**Warnings:none**_

_**Setting: post 3x09 AU since Carter lives**_

_**Spoilers: up to episode 3x09 as well as small bit of information learned about John's past in Lethe(3x11)**_

_**Relationship status: Established**_

* * *

"Please..."

"No."

"I said please, John."

"And I said no, nicely," he answered in a sweet voice. She knew this was going to be hell, getting him to agree to come with her, but she hadn't figured it would be this tough. She tried promising him he could choose the restaurant on their next date, sex in her car, anything, but nothing worked. He had been warding her off for the past three weeks, all with the same flat answer of no. This morning she had figured she would get him while he was coming off his high from their phenomenal morning round of making love, and she was denied yet again. He rolled over with a sufficient yawn to let her know their late night activities had worn him out. "Besides, I have a case." He patted her thigh affectionately before standing up.

"Shaw can work it."

"Shaw…with a fragile old man, he'd be dead before the afternoon."

"Come on, John, it's just for tonight." She was not above begging. She had a new boyfriend and she couldn't even show him off at her twenty-fifth high school reunion?! "I come through for you all the time." She huffed drawing her knees up, resting her chin on them. Her nude view from the waist down woke him up in every way. Moaning, he had to turn away before his resolve faltered, sliding his boxers up his fit form and burgeoning erection.

"Are you comparing life and death situations to your high school reunion?"

"No, I wasn't talking about work related times I came through for you. Besides I just want to show you off to some people. Is that so much to ask?" He smiled before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her cheek. He straightened again with a sigh when her frown deepened.

"Joss, why would you even want me there; I'm not social."

"Because you're my boyfriend and I want to show you off to all those snobbish girls that picked on me, teased me, and bullied me all the way to graduation! They'll be eating out of the palm of my hand when they get a load of you, who is all mine!" She looked up pleadingly. Joss was tough, independent, and single minded. Normally, she allowed those type things to roll off her back, she had to with her type job. She'd been called a bitch and a bunch of nastier words, all met with a stiff shoulder. But for some reason seeing these same snobby girls that had made her feel small and insecure left her feeling vulnerable all over again. She despised feeling vulnerable, but she couldn't banish the desire to have someone on her side there.

"They shouldn't have been mean to you, you are perfect in every conceivable way." She snorted. Maybe perfect to him, but when she was a kid she was the same goal oriented, tough, stick in the mud, argumentative, non-rule-breaker as she was nowadays. That didn't exactly make you many friends, but made for the perfect target from bullies.

"Let me guess, you were the hottest and most popular boy in school, right?"

"Not the most popular."

"Uh-huh,"

"Fine, I was but it wasn't because I wanted to be. People seemed to flock to me."

"Mainly girls right?" She smiled, wondering what John looked like when he was just a teenager.

"Guys and girls; the guys thought they'd become cool by befriending the guy that made the girls swoon." He held up his hands with a quick flash of his dazzling smile. "Their words, not mine." He added a wink for good measure, which she met with a timely roll of her eyes.

"Bet you were also too cool for school."

"I took school seriously until I was eleven."

"Why, you hit puberty early, deciding you couldn't be good in school and be a jock?" she teased.

"No, I did until I lashed out after my dad died." As he looked away she noticed the stiffening of his features. She moved on the bed and reached out grabbing his hand. His eyes slid down to her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's okay, Joss, it was a long time ago." He shrugged it off, sliding his hand free from hers, scrounging around for his pants somewhere where he flung them last night. She couldn't just let it go. The sadness in his eyes even now was so palpable. He truly loved his father and losing him set John's young life into a tailspin. She read all there was to know about Sergeant John Davis from the army, but she didn't know about John Davis the boy who lost his father at a tender age. She slid from her bed yanking on his shirt buttoning the thing up a few before making her way around her bed. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, pressing a soft kiss to his back.

"What happened?"

"With what?"

"You know what, how did your dad die?"

"He was a bonafide hero, four tours in Vietnam. When he got back we moved to Colorado where he worked at a refinery and two months later he died in a freak accident." She closed her eyes, pressing more soft kisses to his back.

"Poor thing, got your dad back just to lose him." She circled reaching her arms up to wrap around his neck. She pulled his head down to press light and loving kisses to his cheeks, then his chin, and finally she caught his mouth. John sighed softly into her mouth as he kissed her back fervently. They broke apart after a few minutes, and he rested his forehead against hers.

"This reunion has you nervous." His words weren't said in a question more said as a statement so she didn't bother trying to put up a brave front, not with him.

"They were cruel to me when I was a kid, John. I had no friends, I was all alone through high-school I just want someone beside me when I face them again after all these years." John saw through her like she was glass. Joss was hurt over what had happened throughout school. It most likely was why she always felt like she was alone, because she had been, even when she was a young girl. She learned to trust in only herself when she was a kid and that mindset followed her into adulthood.

"Why do you want to go then? Why subject yourself to seeing these people again?" She shrugged, hiding her true feelings on what happened during school. Being bullied wasn't easy. Nowadays kids were getting worse and worse, she went through some tough times, but nothing like these kids today were going through.

"Because, John, I want to show them what I made of my life. I want to show them that their words hurt but didn't break me. It's stupid, but if I don't do this they'll always have the last word."

"Then I'll go."

"You will?!" she bounced happily in his arms, he smiled before pressing a warm kiss to her lips.

"You know all you had to do was tell me this in the first place and I would have gone with you. You didn't have to try to plot ways to get me to go with you," he teased as he slid out of her arms, really needing to head off to relieve Shaw of watching the old man. She had taken the night-shift, he wondered if Shaw had done so at the insistence of Joss, but he couldn't say he was unhappy. He got to spend the night at Joss', while Shaw had to sit out all night watching an old man sleep. He got the better bargain in this deal. She pinched his butt hard as he walked by her towards her adjacent bathroom to go brush his teeth.

"Who says I plotted ways to get you to go with me?"

"So asking me right after sex was not a ploy to get me to agree to go with you?" he asked sweetly as he picked up the blue toothbrush before applying toothpaste to it, and sticking it in his mouth. She didn't bother answering him because it would be a lie, and she couldn't lie to save her life. So she ignored it, which made him laugh. She turned to leave her half naked boyfriend to finish brushing his teeth, to get ready for work herself. Joss looked at her alarm clock seeing the giant red digits blink 6:30 A.M., she had more than enough time to watch John hurry around her place like he owned it as he got ready. His undershirt laid on the floor in the mess of her clothes from last night. She picked it up and flopped back into bed.

His scent was on the shirt, it was soft to the touch too, and she was so stealing a shirt of his one of these days. When she was at his place she was going to look through his clothes, find something, and take it. He wouldn't ever know it was missing. She was roused out of her musings when he appeared in her line of vision. "What?"

"I need my shirt."

"No, get your own."

"It is my own, Joss."

"Nope, its mine now." She clutched it to herself. "You have a million undershirts I'm keeping this gray one."

"Fine, can I have my dress shirt then?" she had a half a mind to tell him no, she was keeping it too, but she really couldn't since he didn't have a spare change of clothing at her place.

"I guess," She put his undershirt behind her so he couldn't snatch it away, slowly unbuttoning the dark gray dress shirt. He moaned softly as he eyed her body. Joss coyly took her sweet time undoing the last button before sliding it from herself, leaving herself naked. "Happy now?" she held the shirt to him, which he slowly took, his eyes roving over her body.

"Extremely." Joss couldn't help it, but her eyes slid down his body while his devoured her.

"I can tell."

"Damn it, Joss, I got to go." He was loosely holding the shirt between his index finger and thumb.

"I'm not stopping you." She leaned back resting her head on her hands, and crossing her ankles making him moan.

"But the number…" he looked at her bedroom door as if it was beckoning him then slid his gaze back to her, she couldn't help but laugh at his dilemma. He cursed as he dropped his dress shirt on the floor climbing onto the bed, then lying on top of her. He kissed her hungrily, ceasing her laughter, making her almost forget her name before breaking it.

"We have five minutes." He groaned as both their hands went for his pants zipper. She didn't have the heart to tell him his five minutes was quite literally thirty minutes to someone else. The man's meaning of quickie to another man's, were two entirely different things. She, however, wasn't one to complain because John was a-mazing! She nodded her head wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss while his hands fumbled at his pants.

"Come here, you," she pulled him down for a kiss and for the next forty minutes he rocked her world. 

* * *

John was sure he was going to stick out like a sore thumb tonight at her reunion. He didn't do parties, he wasn't the social type, he actually found making small talk worse than combat. He never knew what to say, always falling back on something mundane as the weather. Or then at times he would fall in uncomfortable silence with people, which was the worst. But he would suck it up for her. If she needed him there he'd be by her side, he'd be there for something simple like a high-school reunion, or follow her through the fiery depths of hell, he'd be by her side no matter what.

Joss was tough, beautiful, intelligent, quick witted, had a thick skin, wore her pride beautifully as she should, and never asked for anything. But her pain over what happened in high-school radiated out of her. He couldn't fathom people being cruel to Joss. He wanted to break these people in half for hurting her. How could they hurt someone so beautiful inside and out? Joss was the type of person to never say a bad word about anyone, she didn't have a mean bone in her body, but hurt her, you better watch out. Trust was the most important thing to her, you break that trust she bestowed on you, you had to work double time to earn it back. He knew she didn't stop trusting him after Rikers after he pushed away from her and all she did for him; but he felt like he had mistreated her, she didn't hold anything against him, he held it against himself, so he worked hard to earn her trust back.

In the end they began dating when it became clear to them their feelings had grown too much too fast to remain as they were. Just friends. He laughed to himself as he thought about his defensive assurance to Shaw all those months ago that they weren't anything but 'just' friends. She knew he was a liar, thankfully he figured it out too.

"Mr. Reese, you have finally agreed to go with Detective Carter to her high-school reunion tonight?" Finch's voice brought him out his reverie and back at the task at hand: following and watching an old man as he grocery shopped, talk about stale cases. Who would want to hurt this old guy? John clicked the button that allowed him to speak to Finch on his earpiece.

"Yes, Finch, she convinced me to go."

"More like sex convinced Reese to go," Shaw interjected, painfully reminding him that they were on a three-way. "Why are we even bothering to save this guy when he's going to die soon anyways?"

"Ms. Shaw, we never discriminate over who we save and just because he's in his mid-eighties doesn't make it that he's on his last leg in life."

"I say put the old horse in the glue factory!" John rolled his eyes. Shaw at times was coming along nicely, like with Gen, then she had lapses and this was a big one.

"Shaw, did you find anything in Mr. Roland's apartment?" John asked as he browsed the candy section while the old man was about halfway down the aisle from him.

"Besides, his Velcro gray shoes and dirty underwear….no, nothing to point us into the direction as to who would put this old guy out of his misery."

"Well Mr. Roland doesn't have a digital footprint, I'm not even sure if he owns a computer." Finch sighed. "All I could locate on the internet was the son of Mr. Keith Roland who is Kenneth Roland, age forty-six, but that yielded no results unfortunately. We have been following Mr. Roland for the past two days and we are still no closer to learning who wishes to harm him!" John looked down when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, seeing it was Joss.

"I'll be right back I gotta take this,"

"Oh Finch, he's ditching us for his girlfriend." John ignored Shaw's singsong voice as he muted them, and answered Joss quickly without missing a step as he followed Mr. Roland through the supermarket.

"Hey, so I ran Keith Roland through the system for you, and we got a hit."

"Wait, our new number has a record?"

"He did time, a little time, for vehicular manslaughter; he hit a teen who was walking home from school. He got off for good behavior."

"How long did he serve?"

"90 days, he was sentenced to only six months and a year probation, because he had connections with the judge presiding on the case. The mother and father of the teen requested a new judge because they claimed conflict of interest, but were denied. They wanted him to go to jail for longer, they were devastated. The mother was institutionalized for a couple days after the trial was over."

"How long ago was this?"

"He was released from jail two months ago, the anniversary of the teen's death is today; he's been gone two years."

"I could just kiss you, Joss."

"You could, couldn't you? I bailed your sexy behind out of another jam didn't I? You can grovel and thank me later." He smiled as he hung up with her, and switched back to Finch and Shaw.

"I have a lead thanks to Carter."

"What is it Mr. Reese, did the detective find out if Mr. Roland had a record?" Finch asked.

"He does, he hit and killed a teenager. Charges of vehicular manslaughter were brought up and he was sentenced, but for only six months."

"Six months, that's it, why, he blow a judge or something?" Shaw demanded.

"Something like that. Carter just said he had connections with the judge presiding over the case. The family requested the court for a new judge claiming conflict of interest, but they wouldn't, and the guy skated. The teen's death is two years ago, today."

"His number comes up days before the two year anniversary of a teenager's death that devastated a family, talk about more than a coincidence," Shaw sighed and those were his exact thoughts. They needed to get Joss to give them the name of the mother and father of the teenager killed.

"I'll contact Carter to get us the name of the mother and father, we need to have a talk with them before something happens that will ruin their life even further." 

* * *

"Will you stop fidgeting, Joss." She shot John a glare as he drove towards the high-school she went to back in the day. She hadn't been near it in a very long time. "You look beautiful."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you think I look beautiful, it's why we are running late," she huffed, annoyed that she didn't have the strength to tell him no to sex before the reunion. She had just gotten the damn dress on when he was pulling it off, and yanking her onto the bed. "Distract me, John."

"Okay, we couldn't have finished our case without your valuable help."

"Sucking up is good too." She said with a smile making him laugh. She was so cute when she was nervous. He just wished she could relax a little and enjoy this. He understood why she wanted to do this, but if it was causing her this much stress than maybe it wasn't worth it. "It hurt to arrest the father of the teen," she sighed.

"I know, I keep thinking we made a mistake, maybe an eye for an eye was the way to go." He knew her getting all hopped up on telling him how wrong he was would distract her, hopefully.

"John, Roland skated and it's not right, but it doesn't give Mr. Hotchkins the right to murder him in cold blood. Two wrongs don't make a right, and it won't bring back Calvin." John knew that, but sometimes the justice system failed. Calvin's death was senseless, Roland had been speeding and driving recklessly, hitting the teen who was just walking home from school, and he should be in jail.

"How am I doing?" he asked.

"What?"

"With distracting you?"

"Pretty good, John." She smiled as he pulled into the parking lot of the high-school. Her eyes slid from his profile to look out her window, he thought he saw her tense which irked him. He parked the car, the car was enveloped in darkness, but he could see her hand trembling.

"Joss."

"Hmmm?" She turned to look at him, and he put his hand behind her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair, and yanked her to him. He kissed her passionately. He felt the tension seep out of her as she kissed him back. When she was good and kissed, he pushed back and smiled at her. They climbed out of his car, walked hand in hand towards her old high-school, and entered.

Joss wasn't ready for the memories to flood her, but they did. Girls shoving her down, boys snickering behind her back, but the worst were the comments. Words did hurt, not physically, but emotionally. She had learned to tune it out for the most part. She did fine ignoring everyone, but when she was alone at night sometimes she would cry herself to sleep, wondering why no one liked her. She held John's hand in hers, then realized she was crushing it by squeezing. She lifted her gaze apologizing without speaking; when she felt a gentle squeeze she knew he didn't mind. A young woman sat in front with name tags and a man was taking coats.

"Name." Joss recognized this woman easily. This was the class president back in the day and one of the girls that made her feel about an inch in size. Bethany Michaels was every guys' dream back in the day; she noticed with irritation that the years had been kind to her. She was still as beautiful as she was in highschool.

"Jocelyn Henson-Carter." She knew they found her with her married last name, but she was nervous so she wasn't exactly sure which name to give. The woman looked up finally.

"Jossy?" Her back stiffened when the shock was apparent on the woman's face. She wasn't sure what she was shocked about, the fact that she showed up or wasn't ugly.

"Bethany," she greeted back trying to force a smile on her face. "Long time."

"I'll say, you look different."

"You do too." Like older, but Joss resisted saying the snide remark. She felt John move closer to her, before sliding an arm around her waist. Joss, noticed with extreme happiness as Bethany finally looked away from her and to John. The surprise written on her face was amusing. John had that effect on women. "Where are my manners, Bethany, this is my _very_ _close_ friend, John Warren. John, this is a woman I went to school with."

"Nice to meet you." He nodded politely. Bethany recovered quickly before handing Joss her name tag. She didn't say anything further to her, which left her stunned. Bethany always had something to say and always had to have the last word. They walked towards the cafeteria where Beth had told them the reunion was taking place. "That wasn't so bad, I take it she was one of the girls that made fun of you?"

"She was, one of the worst." She acknowledged, putting her name tag on. Maybe she had been worrying for nothing. They were all in their forties, clearly they all grew up, and she relaxed a little. They entered the cafeteria and noticed a lot of men and women were there already. People turned to watch them enter, the women stared at John and some men stared at her. "Why are they staring?" she whispered.

"Because they are seeing the most beautiful woman in the world walk into their reunion."

"Stop John, you don't have to distract me any longer." She assured as they maneuvered further into the cafeteria, taking seats in the back. "It's more like the women are staring at you, while the men are staring at me, trying to figure out why this good looking guy is with me." She said on a long suffered sigh, feeling like she was in high-school all over again. What was it about this place and these people that put her insecurities on high? She didn't see the angry look on John's handsome face, she was too busy looking around the cafeteria looking for possible escape routes if things went south.

"Jocelyn?" She blinked and looked up.

"Erica, Erica Wilkinson, right?" she greeted. The woman had long blonde hair; the years hadn't been as kind to her as they had been to Bethany. She must have tanned too much because she had a lot of wrinkles and she appeared to have had a nose job at some point. She stood up when the woman motioned she wanted to give her a hug.

"You look so slim, Jossy." She parted from the hug and had to bite down on her lower lip from telling this woman she was never heavy. But why bother? "Who is this hunk, your escort?" she laughed at her own joke and a few other men and women she recognized from school made their way over.

"He's my boyfriend, not an escort, his name is John." She turned to him, who had yet to stand up. She gulped softly, seeing the rage in his icy blue depths. Uh-oh, these people's subtle putdowns were provoking a bear. "John, honey, say hi." She tapped his shoulder begging for him to not start anything. Clearly he'd rather drink acid than say hello, but he slowly stood up.

"Hello," his voice was deathly low, venomous.

"So what is it you do, John?"

"I'm an investment banker."

"That's interesting, how did you meet, Jossy?" John held her possessively to him. She could feel the tension in him.

"I met him through my work, I'm an NYPD detective, and helped with a case when they brought John in when four thugs attacked him in the subway." She eyed him adoringly. He looked at her and smiled. "They didn't lay a hand on you."

"Four thugs, and you took them down? You must be a good fighter." Joss slid her gaze to the man that was captain of their football team, Benjamin Dunn. He had been cruel to her, calling her nasty names. She lifted her chin defiantly. She noted with intense satisfaction that Benjamin Dunn was overweight with a beer belly, and had thinning hair.

"I was in the military." He shrugged. "Just like Joss, she served her country as well, got a law degree, then went into the police academy." She squeezed his shoulder to cease him from listing her accomplishments. "So what is it that you people do?" she clamped down hard on his shoulder, but it seemed John was on a mission to embarrass these people.

"Oh I'm a car salesman." Benjamin spoke up. "A pretty good one too, I have the best sales rate at the dealership."

"Do you own the dealership?"

"Well, no..."

"Mmmmmmm," John said knowingly. Joss wished a hole would open on the floor to swallow her whole because this was not what she had in mind for when she asked for John to come with her. Benjamin smiled then frowned when he realized John just put him down in the roundabout way.

"Well, I'm a wedding planner, so if you ever can get a man to marry you Jossy, come seek me out." She wasn't going to rise to the bait to explain to this woman she had been married before. She was sure the woman would turn it around, and make it sound like her marriage failed because of her, not because of Paul's inability to seek help.

"I plan on wedding Joss as soon as she'll agree to marry me, but, knowing Joss's phenomenal planning skills and excellent taste, she won't want or need any help...unless you might want to help bake the groom's cake?" Joss's eyes widened. "It was nice meeting you both, but I want to speak to Joss alone." He grinned, tugging her with him away from the two people he just put down in the span of two minutes.

"What are you doing?" She hissed.

"Me, what are you doing? This isn't you, Joss, you don't just let people walk all over you and put you down like that. Where is my girlfriend who tans my hide with a word or two or just a look?" he growled angrily as they stepped into the corner and he faced her. His eyes blazed with anger, not just at those people, but at her as well. Well, she was just as angry.

"John, I didn't ask you to come here to fight my battles, I asked you here to have someone beside me."

"And I am. I just don't understand why you are letting these people continue to put you down. You are confident, self-assured, beautiful, and intelligent, yet you won't tell these people off. Why?"

"I don't know. I feel like I'm back in high-school again, John." She shrugged helplessly. She felt small, insecure, and invisible the moment she entered this place. "I…" but he cut off the rest of her sentence. His mouth caught hers, as his arms wrapped around tugging her to him. She sighed happily forgetting where she was, just enjoying his warmth. She slid her arms around his neck, kissing him back. They broke apart after a few minutes, and she didn't even care that people were staring.

"I love you, Joss."

"I know you do, John."

"Stop pretending you are the same girl that you were that didn't have a voice, that didn't have anyone to watch her back. Sure you are still proud, still goal oriented, still a stickler for the rules, BUT you are tough, argumentative, and a courageous woman. You've gone through more than any sane woman would have too, coming out it with very little dust to brush off. These people aren't worthy to walk in the same room as you, neither do I for that matter." She smiled softly as she played with his hair.

"John you are worth more than what you give yourself credit for."

"Only because of you," he answered, kissing her sweetly before pushing back. "Come on lets go find someplace to sit where I don't have to deal with some of these people. One more backhanded insult, and I might start shooting kneecaps." She laughed but when he didn't even crack a smile she was worried, he was telling the truth. She allowed him to tug her to the very corner where there happened to be not many people. She walked beside him, overhearing some whispers as she walked with him. Typical, whispers as she walked by, and when she turned to look they giggled and stop.

For a while the reunion went along without further incident, until Bethany, Erica, and Benjamin managed to make it over to them. Dancing had commenced with old tunes from their high-school years.

"Jossy, you don't mind if I borrow your hot '_friend__'_ to dance with?" Bethany's voice sounded slurred like she drank too much, even though it was barely nine o'clock.

"Actually I do mind, Bethany."

"Come on sugar, dance with me, I'll show you a real fun time unlike Jossy." She curled her hands into fists the innuendo was clear.

"I said I minded, Bethany." She spoke up much like she did when she was getting tired of a suspect in custody, John smiled at her, and she tried to tamp down on her growing anger. John's smile and the twinkling of his eyes told her he was willing her to allow her temper to explode.

Then Benjamin cozied up to her, almost making her sick in the stomach. "How about you dance with me? Can you believe it Jossy, you will be dancing with the former prom king and former captain of the football team? I bet you never thought in a million years you'd get that opportunity." His hands were held out wide as if he was some prize. She made a face at him.

"Oh yes, I've been waiting my entire life for this very moment." Her scathing and sarcastic remark didn't hit home obviously, because the giant moron moved close to her. John's movement was so quick, he twisted the man's meaty wrist which elicited a cry of pain.

"Touch her, and I'll break every bone in your body with great delight."

"John, let his arm go."

"Why? He doesn't need it to sell cars?"

"Please," she looked around, hoping against hope they weren't making spectacles of themselves. But thankfully most people were dancing and waiting for the prom king and queen to get re-crowned before they left.

"He's so hot." Bethany fanned herself tugging on John's arm. "Come on, mousy Jossy said I could dance with you." Joss turned to eye Bethany, forgetting about Benjamin's arm that was twisted in an unnatural way thanks to John.

"I didn't say it was okay, I actually said no."

"Like you can keep a guy like him." She pointed to John who released Ben's wrist who took the opportunity to scurry away. But Joss didn't care, didn't pay attention, because all her focus was on the woman that made her life a living hell during high-school. Bethany Michaels had been horrible to her, dated Benjamin and both of them had took great joy in making life for her terrible.

"I promised myself I wouldn't ever try to understand, but I always wondered why you hated me so much, but I finally figured it out. You were jealous and still are jealous of me. I have a great career, a good looking boyfriend, a wonderful son, and what do you have….? Right, I heard three failed marriages, a career that is going nowhere, and almost past child bearing years with an empty nest. You might have been prom queen, the lead cheerleader, the most popular girl in school, and you ruled the roost here in high-school. But where did it get you in life? Nowhere, that's where, and now you're spinning in circles. I feel sorry for you, Bethany, for everyone that ever picked on me, because you lost out on knowing someone like me. I'm loyal to a fault, I'm a good listener, a good friend, and I'm always there for someone that needs me, you would have had a friend for life. I never stuck up for myself back in high-school because I didn't want to be teased further. But I'm done with allowing your backhanded comments, your subtle putdowns, because I'm better than you people. I always had been and always will be. Come on John, let's go!" She felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest, as she grabbed John's hand to yank him with her.

"That had to feel good." He murmured as they weaved through the crowd, leaving Bethany stunned.

"Yeah it did, I was having a hard time holding my tongue, it wasn't easy but she made it damn near impossible. I never would say anything in high-school but I couldn't resist finally putting that bitch in her place!" He laughed as they made their way towards the exit to collect their jackets.

"Hold it!" Of course Bethany had to have the last word, she always did. John helped her slide her jacket on before going to put his on. Joss turned to eye her.

"What is it, Bethany?"

"How dare you embarrass me in front of everyone like that? I didn't tell your hot boyfriend what a cow you were in high-school. Did she tell that? Did she tell you everything about herself? Did she tell you we set her up because she was so naive, making her cry in front of the entire school?"

"I suggest you go back into the cafeteria drink your alcohol and enjoy the rest of your evening Bethany, John and I are leaving."

"I suggest you shut your mouth. Ben was right, you are nothing but a cunt, you must give good head to keep a guy like this one by your side." She felt John stiffen beside her. Joss looked around, seeing if there were any cameras around, and smirked when she didn't see a single one.

"And you are nothing but a bitch that couldn't get a man like John's attention because you are superficial from the inside out." Joss grinned before she swiftly punched her, hearing a loud crack as her knuckles collided with her nose. Bethany cried out, grabbing at her nose while Joss fixed her hair. God that felt good. "Hey, remember when you used to trip me and say 'whoops my leg sort of tripped you' and you would laugh; well, 'whoops my fist sort of collided with your face'…my bad." Bethany cried loudly as a few people ran out to see what was wrong.

"She hit me!" Bethany wailed, she sort of wanted to cover her ears.

"Actually, no she came after me. Beth you should stay on your meds." She tsked. "Come on John, we should leave her to go get cleaned up." John nodded with sparkling eyes, and followed her out. She felt like she was walking on air.

"That was insanely hot, watching you punch her and not caring about the fact that she could press charges against you." She laughed she wondered what aroused John more; her punching someone or her not caring about getting into trouble.

"Bethany can't, because she knows no one will believe her. She has three misdemeanor charges of filing a false police report against her, so no one will believe her word against mine."

"How do you know that?"

"Let's just say I did a little digging into my former classmates before we went to the reunion." She shrugged while they walked together out into the cold night's air. Her knuckles hurting but it was a welcomed pang.

"You played the shy, quiet, mousy girl to a T knowing they wouldn't suspect a thing." He grinned as they made their way to his car.

"No, I had no plans of embarrassing them or having a run in with them; but just in case anyone tried to start anything with me I figured it would be good to know your enemy. So I checked up on the ones that were the meanest to me and learned some interesting facts about them. Finch helped me too."

"I wouldn't want to be on your bad side." He smiled pressing her against his car. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"No, you wouldn't want to be, I know all there is about John Reese." She agreed kissing his chin. "Especially where he's ticklish at." She murmured into his ear. "Which is useful information, and I'm not afraid to use it!" He smiled.

"Oh yeah, well I know where you like to be kissed that makes you shiver," he whispered as he dragged his lips down the column of her neck before lightly kissing where her pulse was racing.

"Get me home, now."

"Yes ma'am. As your escort, I'll take you wherever you need to go." He winked as he opened the passenger side door with a gentlemanly flourish, assisted her in with a final kiss to her neck, then rushed around the side of his car. He drove them towards her place quietly, but fast. While it was quiet she was left with her musing and one moment in particular stood out in her mind tonight.

"John?"

"What, Joss?"

"Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"What exactly are you referring too?"

"That you plan on marrying me someday?" she asked. She noticed his relaxed face remained relaxed, no hint of tension. His smile didn't melt away and no awkwardness occurred.

"Yes," his warm reply was heartfelt and sincere. She smiled as she eyed his profile feeling giddy.

"That's good to know, John, very good to know." 

* * *

Author's note: So yay, another fluffier type one. What still pisses me off about the show is there so much backstory on Jocelyn Carter that now we will never know! I mean I will never know if she was bullied or not, why she decided to sign up in the military was there a reason or just for herself, how did SHE feel when she got out of the military and how did SHE get over what she witnessed. I know how Paul felt and how he handled it, but not her and she was one of the main characters! I mean she got that horrible injury in Fallujah where she could have felt survivor's guilt since she lived while the marine died I could go on and on listing things I wish I could learn for real but instead I got to resort to my lowly imagination for. Sigh. Maybe I should start another series of Carter oneshots called Carter Moments where we get to see a glimpse into just her life. Ugh, I don't think I can though I got this, the next Moments installment, Time Lapse 2, the final story to go along with Love Games/War Games, a promised smut story for a loyal reader, Careese half of my Shaw story that I promised Gretchen, and my own original novel...hmmmmm, one more project? I'm not sure but I love the idea of Carter getting her backstory filled.

Okay pent up rant over, the next one will probably be slightly angstier I'm not sure which oneshot Elaine will read next since I sent her a few, and she has had some bad luck so take your time reading my stories, Elaine and if you need it I can see if I can find someone to help read some of my stuff for you. XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Thanks everyone for reading, reviewing, following, and or favoriting I heart you all :D


	3. Photograph

_**Prompt: Photograph**_  
_**Rating: T (language)**_  
_**Warnings: none**_  
_**Setting: post 3x09. AU for two reasons; Carter lives, and I tweaked the ending of The Crossing which is explained during the oneshot.**_

_**Spoilers: up to The Crossing(3x09)**_  
_**Relationship status: pre-relationship**_

_**Sidenote: I changed the ending(sorry Elaine), it felt a little unnatural my other ending, and I know this one could be loved or hated depending if you guys love me or hate me, I just want to say if there are any mistakes they're all mine!**_

* * *

Her heart yearned for what she couldn't have. But everything got messed up thanks to HR, everything including her feelings for John Reese. Joss sat in her darkened and tiny apartment as silent tears slid down her face. Each new teardrop that escaped her was for the days, weeks, months, and years she'd be alone without her son and John. She blasted her iPod with her headphones on when Jordin Sparks' _No Air_ came on, causing another round of tears to escape her. She felt like she was living with half a heart.

Her eyes adored a photograph of him that she had. She only had one. It was the same one she found at Jessica Arndt's mother's house. The one with a youthful and happy John before he joined the CIA, the same one she meant to give him but never had. For some reason she couldn't part with it; now she was glad she hadn't. Slowly the words filled her ears while the photograph's image filled her heart. She lightly pressed a fingertip against his smiling and happy face.

_Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air_

_Can't live, can't breathe with no air_

_It's how I feel whenever you ain't there_

_It's no air, no air_

She wiped at her wet face when she thought she heard something, having kept her iPod's volume low just in-case. She looked up when she heard an outside noise again over the music; she yanked the headphones off and listened. Well, it wasn't the sound she was expecting but rather it sounded like someone was picking the lock of her place. Joss, reached under the brown, standard coffee-table to grab the gun she duct-taped underneath it. She rushed behind the door as quiet as a mouse, hid and waited.

The door opened slowly. "Finch, I'm inside our new number's place." Joss nearly buckled when she heard Shaw's voice, saw the back of her head. "No I don't think this Angela Smith woman is home."

"Think again," Carter whispered behind her, watching Shaw go immediately stiff in front of her. "Turn the phone off; throw your weapon down slowly. No sudden movements." She commanded quietly, pulling back the hammer of her pistol on purpose to get the woman to comply. Joss smiled as Shaw did as requested slowly, clearly not recognizing her whispery voice, which she was going to tease the woman mercilessly with in the future. "Kick the phone back towards me." Shaw once again complied. Joss bent down, regretfully making doubly sure that Shaw had totally disconnected with Finch, but she needed to know what was going on before she reentered their lives. "Okay you can turn around now, Shaw." She spoke up this time. Shaw whirled around surprise clear on her face, speechless for the first time in a long time.

"You're alive." Shaw stared at her, startled, as Joss lowered her pistol.

"No, you're talking to a ghost," Joss joked softly; when she wasn't given a small smile she sighed, too soon. "Yes, Shaw, I'm alive, though my life isn't my own."

"How…why?"

"How, well the FBI are getting really good at faking people's deaths nowadays. After John was whisked away by Finch from the precinct, I was about to head to my car to head home myself when Simmons appeared out of thin air. He shot me point blank, he didn't give a damn that it was near a precinct or not; luckily I had my vest on that John had given me way back when, and I clipped him. He slithered away while the officers rushed the scene."

"Sounds like the story we were forced to eat."

"An ambulance was there within seconds, but filled with FBI agents rather than paramedics. They injected me with a drug on the way to the hospital that slowed my heart and pulse rate enough to be pronounced dead," she explained quietly while Shaw nodded.

"Plan was good."

"Yeah, as I said the FBI is getting better at faking people's deaths."

"And the why, Carter."

"Easy-my son, Fusco, everyone including myself was in danger if I remained 'alive;' the risks to everyone else's lives made me do it." She looked away. When she had decided to do it, she hadn't thought about herself, all she could think of was her son having to live in fear that someone would harm him because she took down the criminal boss of HR. In retrospect she had a lot to lose if she hadn't agreed to go into the witness protection program. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Walking away from my child for the sake of saving him." 'And John,' she internally added, but wasn't willing to include Shaw in on that fact.

"Well here's a part of the story you don't know. Reese didn't want to believe that you were dead, he actually risked being arrested to head to the morgue where he found you lying on the metal slab." Joss felt her heart shatter. She never knew that. For all intents and purposes she was dead. She had gone unconscious in the ambulance; she didn't awaken until she was on a private charter plane flying to North Dakota nearly seventeen hours later, and was given the grim details about how the FBI had her son identified her body. She could kill those sons of bitches for putting her kid through that. "When he left the city morgue he was shot."

Her heart stopped. "John was shot?"

"Yeah, Simmons must have figured that Reese would come seek you out, he was waiting for him even though a manhunt for your killer was launched minutes after you were declared dead. He shot John twice, once in the shoulder and second time in the side."

"Oh my god, John's alright, right?" she demanded. She couldn't live in a world without that man. He was all she thought about. John and her son were on her mind constantly.

"He's alive, Carter. You know, I'm glad you're alive and all, but you should have stayed dead." She felt like the woman just slugged her. Her dry tone was typical, Joss was glad to see some things remained the same, but Shaw had seemed to like her back when she worked with them. Now it seemed like she wasn't too happy to see her alive and well. "You fucked up Reese real good when you went bye-bye."

"What do you mean?"

"John, went kinda loco, nearly killing himself to seek revenge over your death, tried quitting the team, leaving without a word. He hasn't been the same since you disappeared two years ago. Actually before I arrived here in this godforsaken small ass town in North Dakota, I had to scrape him away from your grave." Joss felt her insides turn inside out. She knew he would be affected by her leaving him, it was one of the hardest things she had to do, smiling as she watched him climb into Finch's car knowing by the end of the night she would be pronounced dead, or at least that was what she thought before Simmons appeared out of nowhere. She had felt like the biggest faker in the world, especially after what happened in the precinct between them before she escorted him out. It had been hot, passionate, and amazing. If she would have been told she would have sex with John Reese in a supply closet at a precinct she would have called that person a damned liar. It wasn't like her. But knowing she would never see John again, made her act on the passion that simmered between them.

"John's back to normal right, helping with the numbers doing his purpose?"

"Was Reese ever normal?" Joss sent her a chilly look and the woman sighed. "Clearly joking about Reese is off limits, but yes, Reese is better; that is until I get to give him the cheery news that the woman he mourned is alive, but someone wants to kill her for real this time." Joss opened her mouth to talk more about her alias' number coming up but paused when a loud cry escaped her back bedroom. "What the hell was that?" Shaw demanded and Joss closed her eyes, realizing the jig was truly up now. Before Joss could stop the woman, Shaw went into defensive mode; grabbing her weapon and rushed into the back of her apartment, clearly going in search of someone who wanted to harm her.

"Don't you dare go in that bedroom with a gun!" Joss commanded and Shaw recognized the sound before she had to say a word. Shaw turned to eye her with an incredulous look, the gun lowered to her side as Joss moved towards her. She opened the back bedroom's door and there, sitting in her crib crying, was her fifteen month old daughter, Jenna. "See, Shaw, no threats in here unless you count an unhappy little baby with a dirty diaper." She picked Jenna up, carrying her to the changing table. Joss, glared at Shaw and she relented, putting her gun into the back of her pants before entering.

"Cute kid, Carter, but as I recall you only had Taylor before you 'poofed' out our lives." She refused to look Shaw in the face as she undid her baby girl's pink pajamas. Jenna babbled still with watery eyes that were watching Shaw like a hawk. "She's got blue eyes, interesting."

"African Americans can get different colored eyes, thank you very much."

"True but it's exceedingly rare, unless of course they are bi-racial." Shaw responded matter-of-factly before making a face when they both were greeted with an unsavory smell.

"What do you want me to say; do you want me to deny she is John's?"

"You fuc…" Shaw paused at the look she gave her and sighed. "You _screwed_ Reese, then disappear on him? No wonder he was a mess when you supposedly died."

"I didn't know I would end up pregnant with John's child when I agreed to go into the witness protection program. I didn't even know we were going to have sex together, it just sort of happened." She had always wanted him but figured he never wanted her. They had always been in a secret dance that neither one knew the steps to.

"Sort of happened? Uh-Carter you and Reese were sniffing around each other for months prior, you two having sex together didn't just sort of happen."

"Finch told me about John being held up at the precinct after he was arrested. I went there to speak with John and help expedite his release out of there."

"So you two must have done it somewhere in the precinct then." Joss didn't bother nodding because the woman could deduce it for herself. She and John had allowed themselves to get caught up in the moment in the precinct when he repeated the same words he had when she first met him. She couldn't help it; she couldn't stop herself even if she wanted to. She needed John more than her next breath and she finally took something she wanted. John was offering himself to her, and she took it greedily even knowing she was going to disappear from his life. How was John ever going to forgive her for what she had done? "He will welcome you back with open arms." She looked up, realizing the woman was either a mind-reader or she was that transparent. It had to be the latter.

"I learned I was pregnant about a month and a half after being here, I was shocked to say the least." She sighed as she finished changing her baby's diaper and putting her in a cute pink Hello Kitty outfit before carrying her out with her. Shaw followed closely behind.

"Okay, skip ahead to the part where you tell me who wants to kill you? Because John is going to go ballistic if he thinks your life is in danger again just as he gets you back. Did you blow your cover or something?" Joss plopped her baby girl onto the couch, turning to switch on the television for cartoons. Now that her little bundle of energy was awake, it was going to be at least a couple hours before she would fall back to sleep.

"I don't know who wants to kill me, Shaw; I haven't talked with anyone; I've been concentrating on my daughter. I'm a damned waitress at a small diner, living in a cramped two bedroom apartment because this is what the FBI figured was the perfect cover for me, when all I want is to be with my son, John, and my daughter. They are all that I need, I feel like I'm living without my heart because it's in New York." Joss felt tears well up and she hated them. She looked away from Shaw. She picked up her iPod, putting it onto the coffee-table.

"Da, da, da." Joss and Shaw looked over to Jenna who was bouncing happily on the couch. Joss smiled picking up the photograph she had been gazing at before Shaw broke into her place, and handed it to her baby girl.

"Who's this, Jenna?" Joss tapped John's image.

"Dadda."

"Who's she?" Joss asked, pointing to Shaw.

"Ady." Jenna babbled as she held the photograph before giving her daddy's image a sweet kiss.

"Jenna is working on trying to say lady," Joss explained to Shaw who looked at Jenna like she had sprouted wings and was trying to fly. She felt bad for the woman so she decided to explain further. "I showed Jenna this photo of John every day since she was born, so she felt like she knew who her daddy was." She was happy to say Jenna recognized daddy in the photograph, she wondered what would happen when daughter and daddy came face to face for the first time. She had been silently praying for a miracle that this would happen, it now seemed it was an actual possibility that Jenna would get to see him for real.

"I need to tell Finch, see how to approach the subject with Reese, and we need to figure out who wants you hurt."

"Honestly, Shaw, I haven't the slightest idea who would want me dead besides Quinn. If my cover was blown, the FBI hasn't said a word." The younger woman nodded her head as she picked up her cell phone. She could hear the one-sided conversation, it was clear that Finch was shocked to learn she was alive, so much so that Shaw was forced to put her phone on speakerphone so she could say hello. It was so good to hear Finch's voice again and they came up with a decent plan. It was actually her idea that included coming back to New York where Jocelyn Carter and Angela Smith remained dead. Jocelyn Carter needed to remain dead for fear of her son's life, while Angela Smith needed too so she could be with her loved ones again. She trusted Finch with her life and if there was anyone that could give her a complete alias, a better one that allowed her to see her kid and the man she loved every-day, it was this man. By the time she and Shaw hung up with Finch, Jenna was sound asleep in her lap.

She lightly stroked her daughter's hair when Shaw turned to look at her. "Ready for this? Because once you do this you can't go back, Carter. The FBI, everyone, will believe you're dead, you can't be a police detective ever again, you cannot be in contact with any of your former friends or family, you'll be living your life much like Finch, Reese, and I do…in the shadows." Yes, she could handle that, Joss thought, with her son, with Jenna, and, most importantly, with John at her side.

"Yes, I want to be able to hug and hold my son. I want my daughter to know her older half-brother, and my son to know his little half-sister. I want my daughter to know her father, and for John to know his daughter. It's been two long excruciating years, Shaw, of living without my heart. I'm ready to go home; I should never have gone into this witness protection program."

"You did it for your son, even I know that. Reese and your son will forgive you. Finch is going to try to break it to Reese, before you get back so he's not stunned when you walk through the door."

"Is he going to tell John about Jenna?"

"No, he feels that is up to you." She nodded her head, grateful. There was a lot she needed to tell John, which she knew was going to be long and hard on them both.

"Let me pack up some of Jenna's things, then we need to make it so that Angela Smith is no more." 

* * *

He stared at her smiling face. Taylor had been a good kid giving him one of their family photographs of himself and his mom for him to keep. He said that his mom always talked about him, even when she was exasperated with him, so he wanted to give him something to remember his mom by. John didn't have it in him to tell the boy he would always remember Joss because she owned his heart; instead he just took the photograph. Two years ago to this day, he lost the one thing that meant the most to him in the world. She was gunned down on the sidewalk by Simmons; probably mere minutes after Finch drove him away. Had he just stayed with her a few minutes longer, maybe she would be alive today.

Every day since then he'd been counting the minutes, the hours, and the days until he'd get to see her face again. Hoping against hope that each new number would bring about his end, but it never did. Before the idea of taking his own life had been enthralling, he wouldn't have to live with this pain any longer, but Lionel, Finch, and even Shaw had all, in their own way, helped him realize taking his life wasn't the right path. Harold was right; Joss would be upset with him if he did that. She would never forgive him if something happened to him; she had even said so before she died. So instead he decided to continue to live. For her he lived on, with the hope of seeing her again after giving his life for someone else.

John looked away from the photograph to gaze at his watch. It was nearly the moment when she was gunned down on this damn corner. He sat in his car, just watching the corner where men or women walked without a care in the world. Didn't they know this is the corner where a beautiful, intelligent, fiercely independent, and vulnerable but never weak woman died? Didn't they know that this was the very corner he lost his love, his heart, his soul? No, how could they? They were just one of many nameless and faceless men or women that could've been touched by Jocelyn's kindness but wouldn't ever get the chance to, thanks to her life being cut much too short. His phone rang. He had half a mind to ignore it. He solved a case; he gave Shaw the travel case because the one in the city had been easy to solve. Easy to stop, giving him the rest of the day to brood and reflect on Joss's death. When it rang incessantly, he sighed. John yanked his phone out, seeing it was Finch's unknown number, he answered it.

"What?"

"Mr. Reese it's imperative that I speak with you at the library."

"I'm busy."

"Mr. Reese, I have a feeling I know where you are and I know what day today is, so please can you come to the library now. This is very important."

"Finch, whatever it is, it can wait a few minutes." He slid from his car, carrying the single stemmed rose, as he began walking across the street to the corner where she took her last breath. She had been alone, he promised her she wouldn't ever be alone, but he failed her again. He would give anything to go back in time and be there for her. Be the one to die instead.

"She's alive, John." He stopped in the middle of the busy intersection as he was crossing. His heart beat rapidly, he heard honking of horns, male shouts at him, but he felt paralyzed.

"What did you say?"

"Mr. Reese, Jocelyn is alive."

"_Hey asshole, get out of the street_!" John turned to glare at the cabby who screamed at him, tempted to pull his gun out and blow out the man's tires, but realized he was standing in the middle of the intersection. He moved with what felt like rubbery legs, he was trembling so hard. He looked at his watch, seeing it was a minute past her 'death,' he was never late placing the rose down. But today he was.

"Are you sure, Finch?" He asked roughly. He blinked rapidly, as tears filled his eyes. The past two years of pain, guilt, and grief all faded into the back of his mind for once. He felt pure unadulterated joy, something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

"You were right when you said that Angela Smith sounded like an alias, it is Jocelyn's alias. She went into the witness protection program to protect everyone because of Quinn. He has friends in high places that would love to kill the woman that brought down their friend and cohort."

"But are you sure it's her?" he demanded trying to keep his hopes down. He couldn't take finding out this was a false alarm.

"John, it's her, I spoke with her on the phone." He sagged against the precinct when he was sure his weight wouldn't hold him up. A lone tear fell from his eyes.

He cleared his throat. "She's with Shaw?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes, she's on her way back to New York as we speak. We don't know exactly who's behind the threat to Joss, aka Angela Smith; so Jocelyn decided to fake her death again. But this time with our help, so that even the FBI will believe she's deceased. I'm coming up with a full proof alias for Jocelyn, so rest assured, John." He didn't care about anything; all he cared about was seeing her again and keeping her safe.

He locked away his emotions. "Does Taylor know yet?"

"Yes, she called him before my private plane took off; he's waiting for you to pick him up to meet up at the safe house she's going to be staying at." His heart hurt. Everyone got to talk to her except him. Maybe that tryst they had in the supply closet of the precinct was all one sided. Maybe it had been a way for her to burn steam after months of trying to bring down HR while it was like touching heaven on earth for him. She probably didn't know how to let him down gently, that their one night meant nothing to her. It was his fault, he had put so much on her by telling her she changed him, telling her he couldn't lose her, and nearly uttering his love for her while inside her.

He cleared his throat when he realized he was jealous of her teenage son. She should call him, Taylor was her son and he deserved to hear her voice. Not him. He didn't deserve to breathe the same air as her, let alone get to speak to her first.

"Which safe house?"

"The Manhattan one." John nodded, pleased. It was closest to him. Maybe he could fix their mangled friendship by letting her know he'd take any relationship she was willing to give. He just needed her back in his life.

"I'll pick Taylor up now. When will she be in, Finch, I need to see her."

"Mr. Reese, both Ms. Shaw and Detective Carter are on their way as we speak. Just go pick up young Carter and take him to the safe house and wait with him." John looked at the rose he still held, before turning around and hurrying back across the street. Instead of laying it on the ground to mourn her passing, he was going to give it to her. He hung up on Finch; he knew he wasn't welcomed to pray or wish for anything, but he had anyway. He had prayed Joss would come back into his life and here she was, back in his life. For the first time since she disappeared from his life he felt a genuine smile fill his face. 

* * *

John arrived at Paul Carter's home about fifteen minutes later; Taylor must have been waiting for him because he exited without him even needing to get out of his car. Taylor entered the passenger side door and sat down.

"Mr. Badass, can you believe it…mom is alive!" Taylor's exuberant smile was infectious because he felt a similar one echo across his mouth. "I can't wait to see her; these past two years have been so hard without her. It was always just me and my mom for the longest time. My dad had serious mental issues after coming back from the war." John listened as Taylor rambled on. The young man clearly was nervous, excited, and fearful to get his hopes up all in one. He knew how the kid felt. Even knowing that Finch assured him she truly was alive, until he saw her and heard her voice again he wouldn't believe it fully.

John got lost in his thinking and realized the kid was looking at him expectantly. He shifted his gaze off the road as he drove for a brief second to eye the young adult before shifting them back to the road. "What, Taylor?"

"Did you hear a word I said?"

"Sorry, I got sort of lost in thought."

"It's alright, John, I just said I'm looking forward to seeing more of you." He furrowed his brows in surprise. He didn't know why the kid presumed that? Just because he wanted to be in Joss's life didn't mean she wanted it. She probably thought nothing of their moment in the supply closet while he could think of nothing else.

"What do you mean, Taylor?"

"Oh come, Mr. Badass, you're not fooling anyone." The kid was too smart for his own good, he decided, if the kid knew how he felt about his mother from his limited moments he saw them together. "I know all about you and my mom." Okay, now the kid truly lost him; there was no way in hell her son knew that they slept together.

"We're friends," he agreed which made Taylor scoff.

"Just friends, seriously Mr. Badass what do you take me for? I'm eighteen not six. So how do you explain Jenna then, huh?" He quickly looked at Taylor again, seeing the smug look on the young face. Did this kid sniff fumes when he climbed into his car? He had no idea what he was talking about.

"Who's Jenna?" He demanded. He'd never heard of this woman before. He quickly shifted his gaze onto Taylor, trying to read his expression. A whole host of emotions flickered across the young man's features, but each one was quicker than the first, and all were gone after a flash.

"Nobody, never mind."

"No, Taylor what are you talking about?"

"It's nothing, John. I'm just excited about seeing mom again after all this time and I'm getting confused on some stuff. I'm sorry." John looked at the kid again at a stoplight. He tried to read his expression again but Taylor's face gave nothing away. Maybe Taylor's father was dating a girl named Jenna and he was getting it confused somehow with something with Joss. After another several minutes it didn't matter because they arrived at the safe house. He couldn't wait to see Joss again after two long years. 

* * *

"You okay?"

"How do you think I'm doing, Shaw?" she snarled, looking into the backseat at her precious cargo. Jenna was sound asleep in the car-seat; her little dark head slumped to the side. She slid a look to Shaw. "I'm sorry, I'm nervous about telling John about Jenna and I'm taking it out on you. Taylor had been easy, he's excited to meet her and happy to know Mr. Badass and I hooked up. I didn't realize my kid had a man crush on John." She knew she was rambling but whenever she was nervous, she rambled.

"Someone wanting to kill you doesn't make you bat an eye, telling Reese about the little ankle biter he fathered is making you so nervous you are fidgeting. Go figure."

"Stop calling Jenna an ankle biter, she's got a name." She was going to teach Shaw the dos and don'ts of the world. And one don't is calling her daughter an ankle biter. "I was a cop; my life being in danger was an everyday occurrence. Figuring out how to tell a man you love that doesn't love you back in the same way, that he fathered a child is a whole other thing." Shaw scoffed and her hackles rose. "Did I say something wrong Shaw?"

"Just the fact that you think Reese doesn't love you back in the same way. Are you nuts? And people think I'm clueless to emotions."

"Just because he was hurt after I supposedly died doesn't mean he loves me, Shaw."

"Whatever! Ready or not we're almost there." Joss, felt giddy, scared, and anxious all mixed together. She couldn't wait to hug her son and John, see Finch and Fusco again. She knew they would all be there. It was just introducing them all to Jenna that was giving her pause. Especially John. She didn't know how he was going to react to the news he fathered a daughter. She had a lot of explaining to do, a lot of apologizing, and she wasn't fully prepared. Everything was happening so fast. Only six hours ago she had been Angela Smith, lonely and missing everyone she once knew, to being once again technically dead and on her way back to New York to see everyone again. It was a lot to process.

She clutched the photograph of John and Jessica tightly in her hand. She was determined to give him the photograph tonight. She knew how much this woman meant to John. It wasn't right of her to hold onto it as long as she had. It came in handy for showing their daughter, but now she had to buck up and give it to him. "You look ready to vomit, Carter."

"No, I'm fine." She assured the annoying woman beside her as they pulled up to the familiar high-rise apartment complex. It was luxurious and she was a little shocked she was going to get to stay here. Finch assured her it was temporary until he found her a more acceptable place to stay. She wanted to say the place was more than acceptable but she knew this was one of his many safe houses for other numbers, not refuge for a not dead woman that had his friend and employee's child. Joss sucked it up; trying to squash her nervous butterflies once Shaw parked and cut the engine. So what, she was coming back from the dead with a child? If John didn't want Jenna, she wouldn't ask him of anything; she would understand. Jenna had been an accident, one she couldn't say she was unhappy about. She might not have been able to be with John for two years, but she had a piece of him to love and cherish. Her hands trembled as she unsnapped Jenna's car-seat seatbelt, before picking up the slumbering baby.

"Reese is going to freak when he sees this ankle biter."

"JEN-NA, her name is JENNA."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, he's going to freak out, I wish I had my camera." She was glad Shaw could make jokes at a time like this. They made their way into the apartment building heading to the elevator in the back. Shaw had her lone suitcase, while she had her purse and tote that carried all Jenna's diapers, bottles, pacifiers, and little bit of toys. They rode up the elevator in silence. When the elevator doors opened she remained rooted in her spot while Shaw moved forward. Shaw paused when she realized Carter hadn't moved. "You okay?"

"I'm scared that John is going to hate me."

"Carter, I can assure you that won't happen."

"How? I kept his child away from him, I made him believe I was dead; he nearly killed himself in grief. How can he ever look me in the face? My son, Finch, Fusco, even you, all of you can forgive me. But how can he? How can I even ask him to? I knew how much he needed me in his life and I still disappeared on him." Tears swam in her eyes. She hated breaking down, what made it worse she was having a meltdown in front of Shaw. The elevators door slid shut.

"There's only one way to find out, by going in there." She knew Shaw was right, she wouldn't know until she sucked it up and went into the safe house, though it didn't make her feel any better. She looked at Shaw. She didn't see anything remotely in her expression, but it was in her eyes. Shaw was concerned for her. She truly didn't know how John was going to react either. She hit the button, the doors slid back open, and they exited together walking side by side. "I'll hold her while you get reacquainted with your son, Lionel, Finch, and John. You call me in when you're ready." Shaw motioned for the baby.

"Are you serious, you can't even call my daughter 'Jenna,' and you want me to let you hold her?" She sniffed, clutching her child tightly to her.

"Look, it will only be for a few minutes for both Jenna and I. You want to be able to see Reese, explain her to him before he gets an eyeful of her, right?"

"Right." But leaving her precious little girl with Shaw wasn't exactly a good option either. Shaw's skin probably would crawl holding her daughter.

"Well I don't know any other options, Carter. It's either give her to me or we go in there and say 'surprise Reese, you fathered a kid, here she is' so what'll it be?"

"Fine," she pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead before sliding her to Shaw. Shaw took the baby surprisingly well. She didn't even need to teach her how to hold her.

"What? I've held babies before; just because I don't have a maternal bone in my body doesn't mean I don't know how to hold one." Shaw rolled her eyes. Joss didn't bother to respond; instead she turned and grabbed the knob. Without having to explain her daughter at first blush she was now more than ready to enter the safe house. She needed to see them more than anything. She slipped the photograph of John and Jessica into her jeans pocket and opened the door. Joss entered and all eyes turned her way.

"Hi," she forced out and just like that, tears fell down. Her son moved quick towards her, her eyes on him. Tears streamed down his cheeks while a smile lit up his face.

"Mom," his voice cracked and she wrapped her arms around him fiercely. She heard a subtle sob escape her boy.

"Baby, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, you're here now." He whispered back. She shook her head, feeling his forgiveness in his hug. She squeezed her eyes shut as tears continued to fall. She just breathed him in. She missed her little man so much. God, her heart felt separated from her body having her son and the man she loved so far away from her. They parted after a few more minutes and they laughingly wiped at one another's tears. She rubbed his arms.

"You've grown even more if possible. I want to know everything."

"And you will, but you have some others you need to say hi to." Her boy was so selfless he was truly the perfect son. Taylor pulled her into a hug. "John needs to see you, Mom," he whispered into her ear.

"I know," she whispered back. She slid from his warm embrace, looking past her son and saw her friends. Fusco and Finch were smiling wide from ear to ear, John stood frozen in the back, almost as if he was afraid if he moved she would disappear. He didn't say anything. It was like he was in a trance. There was no emotion on his face, it swam in his eyes. She saw the hopeful look, but also the pain. Like he was scared to believe that this was true. She felt her heart break.

So she moved towards Finch and Fusco, keeping a watchful eye on John before sliding her gaze to them. "Fusco, Finch you guys are sights for sore eyes," she greeted, hugging first the small, decidedly odd man that employed John who quickly became one of her good friends, before hugging the best partner she ever had. She could trust him watching her back just like she could trust John and Finch.

"Look pretty good for being a dead woman, Carter." Fusco teased as they parted, she gave a soft chuckle.

"Being dead killed my social life," she teased back. "Not that I had much of one before."

"Well I can say with certainty, Jocelyn, you have been missed."

"I've missed you guys too, Finch," she assured, her heart feeling full as she turned when she felt her son rubbing her arms, she smiled adoringly up at him. She saw the questioning gaze, knowing he was wondering where his baby sister was and she nodded towards the door. His eyes lit up as he rushed towards the door. She slid her gaze to John who remained rooted in the back. Fusco and Finch both moved aside and she moved towards him. Her legs felt like wax, like they couldn't hold her weight, but she walked determinedly up to him.

John's blue eyes glittered with unshed tears. She stood directly in front of him, leaning her head back because the man was so much taller than her. Her eyes hurt with suppressing her own tears. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him, but she wasn't sure if they would be welcome.

"I'm so sorry, John," her breath hitched. His eyes bore into hers; he lifted a hand that trembled before he lightly brushed his fingertips against her cheek as if he was so scared she was an illusion.

"You're really here, right? This isn't a dream I'm conjuring up because I miss you so much?"

"I'm really here, John," she assured him softly. Joss felt his warmth spread over her just as he moved closer to her and cupped her cheeks with both hands. One errant tear escaped, sliding down his cheek; her breath hitched as his gaze slid to her mouth. He sighed something that sounded suspiciously like 'I love you,' but she couldn't be for sure it was really him saying it or her own wishful thinking. He leaned down, but the moment was interrupted when a loud shrill cry filled the room. Both John and she sprang apart. What was she doing? She was supposed to be telling John he had a daughter, not getting lost in him, and wishing he would tell her he loved her. She whirled around looking at Fusco and Finch. Neither one said anything about John nearly kissing her; instead they turned around when there was a commotion at the door.

"Sorry mom, I woke Jenna up trying to take her from Shaw," Taylor apologized which she waved away. She wanted to turn back to look at John, but for now Jenna needed her attention more. Her little arms were out reached for her, tears falling quickly and small cries escaping her.

"Oh, shhhhhh, honey your older brother just wanted to hold you." She cooed as she took her into her arms. Jenna buried her little face into her chest as she cried. "It's okay Taylor, she's just tired and she's not used to all these people." Joss was almost scared to turn and look at John, but she forced herself to. He stared at Jenna.

"How old she is?" The expression on his face was unreadable, but clearly he was trying to figure out the math.

"Nearly fifteen months old." She answered, seeing him lift his eyes as he did the math. She couldn't resist smiling at him. It felt like it was just the two of them in the room, he was so cute trying to figure out if he was the father, she was startled out of her staring at John by a loud sound; which suspiciously sounded like a door was slamming shut. She looked around realizing that Finch, Fusco, Shaw, and Taylor all disappeared. They probably were standing outside of the door wondering when it would be safe to go back inside. She shook her head softly before looking back at John, seeing the realization dawn on him. "John, you don't need to do the math. I can tell you with absolute certainty she's your daughter." His gaze fell to hers in shock.

"How, I mean…I thought you said you were on the pill?"

"I lied." She closed her eyes, hating herself at this moment. She reopened them to stare at him. He didn't look upset, he looked stunned. "I wanted to be with you; I knew that if I told you that I wasn't on the pill you would have stopped. I didn't really think I'd end up pregnant, being in my early forties and all, but I learned I was expecting about a month and a half after 'dying'." He looked stunned still. He stared at their daughter, she saw joy cross his features before his expression was masked and he looked up at her. "I'm so sorry for disappearing on you, having your daughter without you getting to know her, and I know it's a lot to ask of you, but can you ever forgive me?"

"What, what are you talking about?"

"John, I lied to you, not only to get you to sleep with me, I knew I was going into witness protection program before it even happened. I was so selfish." She looked down unable to face him. How could she? How could she even look him in the eyes? She felt a gentle touch under her chin forcing her gaze up.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"Yes, I do." Wasn't he listening to her?

"No, you don't. You were just being human, Joss. Everyone is selfish in their life at one time or another, and never apologize for doing something that protects your son. I won't lie, I nearly died without you, but you did nothing wrong for wanting to protect Taylor from Quinn." She felt a sob escape her. She didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve his easy forgiveness, but yet he was giving it to her anyways.

"How?" She felt supremely comfortable with being vulnerable in front of him. She rubbed their daughter's back who quieted down. She still clutched her neck tightly, and Joss was more than ready for daddy and daughter to be face to face, but she needed a few more answers first. "How can you forgive me so easily?"

"Because there is nothing to forgive, Joss, nothing at all; you didn't do anything wrong. Not in the precinct and definitely not after. I hurt so badly when I was told you were dead, I didn't believe it. Then I saw you in the morgue with that sheet over you, everything inside me died that day." She shook her head, closing her eyes as tears filled them again. This wasn't making her feel any better, and their daughter was feeling her tension because she began fussing. Jenna finally lifted her head from her chest to see who her mommy was talking to. She gave a watery laugh when Jenna's head perked up and reached out for John immediately.

"Da, da, da, da!" She bounced in her arms, squirming to get to him, nearly crying to get into his arms. John's look was priceless; he was staring at Jenna so adorably. Joss moved close to him, Jenna wrapped an arm around his neck like a vine, and John almost unknowingly took her from her. Jenna was held in his arms as he stared at her. Jenna touched his chin with her baby palm, babbling to him. Joss took a few steps back and wept. For a brief moment it was only daddy and daughter, John was so entranced with her, it was like Joss was forgotten, though she knew she wasn't.

"Joss…" she looked towards John who was looking at her concerned. She waved him off because she was just crying like a baby. She walked over to the couch, sinking down before she fell down.

"Happy tears," she forced out. John moved to sit down beside her, Jenna refusing to budge an inch in his arms. Jenna was going to be daddy's little girl wasn't she? She slid her hand into her pocket, pulling out that photograph. "I showed her this every night since she's been born. She knew you were her daddy for a long time." He looked at the photo; she heard the way his breath caught. She looked away. Jessica's image still got to him after all this time. "I think it's time to give it to you, I found it when I spoke to Jessica's mother when I was in New Rochelle."

"You had it all this time?"

"Yeah, I don't know why I kept it with me all this time; I guess I just liked how happy you seemed to be. I'm sorry; I should have given it to you." She held it out to him though he made no attempt to reach out to take it.

"I'm glad that you didn't." he smiled, looking down at Jenna when she all but demanded his attention. She wanted to ask him if he was over Jessica, could they have some sort of future together with Jenna, and her son Taylor. But she didn't dare ask. He claimed she had nothing to beg forgiveness for, but she felt like there was, and until she felt better about herself….she didn't deserve this man. The door to the safe house opened and her son popped his head in.

"Is it safe, no making out is happening?" Taylor asked and she snorted, she wished. She waved her son in putting the photograph onto the coffee-table, their friends followed in behind him. Her son plopped down beside her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Well, we were punked, by an A.I. no less!" Shaw groused, but was sent a strict look from Finch and immediately quieted down. John looked away from Jenna to look up at Shaw then Finch. She slid her son a questioning look who shrugged, clearly having no clue, before lifting her own gaze to Shaw who spoke.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, Mr. Reese and Jocelyn, while we left to give you two some privacy I received an interesting phone call from Ms. Groves."

"Root, what did she want?" John's voice was tense.

"She called to have me give you a message, Mr. Reese," Joss could read between the lines.

"There was no threat against my alias Angela Smith was there?" She couldn't figure out how come her alias' number came up without the FBI being aware of a threat. It made sense that this super computer sent them her number for no reason, just why.

"So, Joss was never in danger?"

"No, Ms. Groves just said to tell you that a _special friend_ wanted to give you a gift."

"My mom, my baby sister, and me Mr. Badass; your special friend whoever that is, wanted to give you a ready-made family."

"TAYLOR!" She shot her kid a stern look, who looked somewhat stunned as if he figured they had already discussed everything. Taylor stood up, beating a hasty retreat to go talk with Fusco. She wished she could reverse time so John didn't hear that. They didn't have a chance to even talk about what John wanted to do about Jenna, did he want to be in her life or not. She wasn't even going to hope to have a romantic future with this man, even though she loved him more than life itself.

"John, ignore my boy." She assured looking back to him, noticing a look cross John's face that looked like hurt before he forced a smile. They had so much to discuss, they had so much on their plate right now, and it wasn't fair of her to beg him to be with her to love her. She had been so selfish that night at the precinct, nearly destroying his life when she vanished on him, however she couldn't regret it since she had Jenna. But it had been too easy to have his forgiveness, she didn't feel worthy of him she had a lot of making up to do before she would ever feel that she could ask him to love her in return. She had to focus on Jenna first. "There's no pressure John, if you don't want to be in her life because a child isn't what you want I'll understand. But if you think I'm going to let you tell me no to being her father because you believe you're not good enough to be in her life, well you have another thing coming." She vowed.

"Ms. Shaw, that's our cue to excuse ourselves." Finch's voice was soft, she was grateful for his good sense but her eyes never strayed from John. Jenna's head was on his shoulder nearly asleep, while his large palm gently rubbed her back. He was perfect. He was an amazing father already; she prayed he would allow himself to be in her life and not let his past dictate his future.

"I want her." His eyes closed as he breathed Jenna in. Joss felt more tears trying to make a break for it out her eyes. She stubbornly refused to ask if he wanted her too. "Even though I know I'm not good enough for her, I want her." Joss refused to argue with him about his worth, so she kept her mouth shut. She didn't want Jenna to awaken while they were fighting. His eyes opened and were on hers. "So, uh, what are you going to do now that you are undead?" She didn't know she didn't even know what alias Finch came up with. Her eyes strayed towards said man seeing he was in a deep conversation with her son. She furrowed her brows wondering what he and her son had to talk about. She might have been 'dead' but she wasn't stupid. The way her son was smiling, the way both Finch and Taylor shot John and her occasional looks, they were up to something. She shifted her gaze to Fusco and Shaw who looked like they were bickering amicably over something, what it was she couldn't say they were talking too low. It seemed everyone was in their own world, including her and John.

"Not sure, yet, first and foremost catch up with my son then I guess find a job under whatever alias Finch comes up with for me." Her eyes strayed back to John and Jenna loving the way he clutched the baby to him. She longed to let go of her pain over what she did to be welcome in his life, to love him, and be as Taylor said a ready-made family. Her eyes found the photograph on the coffee-table of John and Jessica, that he hadn't taken making her wonder why. Was it because seeing Jessica hurt too much to take the photo, or was he truly over her and didn't need the photograph? She prayed it was the latter.

"Or you could just live in a penthouse; I'll make sure you have everything you need." John suggested. She immediately shook her head to that, looking him directly in the eyes. She knew he would want to take care of her and Jenna, financially, but she wasn't living off him risking his neck day in and day out.

"No, I am not going to live off of you paying my way. We might share a daughter, but the idea of being financially dependent on anyone isn't an option. No offense, John." He didn't look offended more resigned as he sighed.

"I understand." She nodded her head, thankfully. "Well, there is an opening where I work at, I know the boss he could pull you in," John offered and she smiled. Working with Shaw, Finch, and John outside the law? She wasn't sure if she was cut out for it. But it would give her a chance to still be able to save lives, though she wasn't sure she could handle being just John's friend and co-worker. Then again she could gently worm her way into his life, maybe seek forgiveness, and get what she wanted so badly; namely John Reese.

But she wanted to tease, try to get that familiar banter with him she so missed. "Oh you do, huh?"

"Yeah, he's a bit of an eccentric but he's a good man he would gladly take on another presumed dead employee." She smiled warmly, feeling better than she had in two years. "There's not much in the way of rules, a lot of illegal activity like breaking and entering or illegal wire-tapping, can you handle that?"

"I can, I learned from the best, remember?" They shared a smile as they both thought of her plot to take down HR. She had stolen tricks from John that she watched from the couple years of knowing him.

"So what do you say, Joss?" Her name slid off his tongue, making her feel like she was melting. Her eyes abandoned gazing into his giant blue ones, going for their daughter who was sound asleep in his arms. Jenna had her daddy now, she had gotten her life back with her son, and maybe if she could learn to forgive herself over hurting this man she could have a life with him too. Maybe the first step in learning to forgive herself was to help him save these people that needed them. Besides, being with him on a daily basis was too good to pass up, even if only in a working capacity.

"I say, you have yourself a deal." She scooted closer to him, touching their daughter's hair while breathing John in. Taylor moved back over to them sensing John's and her conversation was over. Finch, Fusco, and Shaw surrounded them all talking amongst themselves. It was blissful noise to her heart, while she reflected on the past keeping a hopeful look on John. One chapter to her life was closed, she was legally dead to the world, and a new one was opening with her friends and loved ones. She was just hopeful that in this next chapter of her life, she would gain the love of the man that she loved more than anything. 

* * *

Author's note: There it is, photograph. Although, photograph was loosely based around the photograph that Joss found I always wondered what had happened with that. I've read several stories about that moment and I loved them all. This story I made it where she held onto, unable to relinquish it which was a good thing too since she could show Jenna her daddy. Okay, so I know I mentioned that the ending is different and when you read this Elaine you will see just how huge of change I made, but this one just seems to jive better at least in my opinion lol. I'm not sure if all Careesers will agree since clearly neither John or Joss realize that the other is in love with them, their relationship is a giant ? mark, Joss hasn't forgiven herself for the pain John went through over her 'death', but on the bright side they share Jenna...you guys won't kill me or anything for leaving the end vague right?

Thank you to everyone I heart u all XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX


	4. Pillow

_**Prompt: Pillow**_  
_**Rating: High T (not explicit love scene)**_

_**Spoilers: none**_

_**Warnings: not graphic love scene, if you blink you might miss it! Plus fluff that is so sweet it could give a stomachache.  
**_

_**Setting: during season 3 before 3x08**_

_**Relationship Status: established**_

_**Sidenote: I couldn't resist posting this, since its a happy story for you lovely Careesers. And for those guest reviewers, and reviewers that I can respond to thanks for the wonderful reviews I adore you guys, and specifically to all those for 'photograph' that asked for an additional story to go along with it, you have been heard loud and clear I already started writing Photograph Part 2 :)**_

* * *

"Fruit, really?" she giggled as she trailed her fingernails up and down John's palm, while he was behind her and they shared the same pillow.

"Come on, Joss, answer."

"Strawberries," she answered. "My turn again, favorite band, when you were in high-school?"

"Oh come on," he groaned; she rolled over so they were face to face. She and John had just made love, now it was time for pillow talk. "Don't make me relive my teenager years."

"Come on, this was your idea."

"Fine, Aerosmith," he grumbled as they linked their fingers while staring at one another. The pillow was standard size enough room for both of them, but she couldn't help but wish to burrow closer to his warmth.

"Really, you were an Aerosmith boy!" she teased. "What's your favorite song of their's?"

"Hey, cheater it's my turn." He tapped her nose before rolling onto his back to look up at the ceiling, clearly trying to think up a question. "How old were you when you had your first kiss?"

"Seven."

"Seven!"

"Yes, George McDonald, a neighbor boy who was like twenty years older than me, helped me up when I fell and hurt myself and he kissed me on the cheek."

"Oh let me revise my question how old were you when you had your first REAL kiss?"

"Hey, look whose cheating now?! You didn't specify what type of kiss, so its my turn again. What is your all-time favorite Aerosmith song?"

"Walk This Way!"

"No! Your real one."

"Walk This Way." He supplied.

"I don't believe you, I was sure it was _I Don't Want to Miss a Thing_."

"Joss, that came out way past my graduation."

"Aha! I knew it, you liked that song and I didn't say it was limited to high-school Aerosmith boy!" she poked him in the chest. "Tell the truth, all-time favorite song of theirs."

"_Walk. This. Way_. Joss, I like _I Don't Want to Miss a Thing_, but it's not my all-time favorite." She sighed, deciding to give up. She had a feeling John was being dishonest about this one. "When was your first ever real kiss?"

"I was thirteen when I got my first real kiss, one I didn't like." She made a face as she thought of it.

"Do tell."

"His name was Cory, I liked him, he liked me, and he kissed me."

"Sounds like puppy love," he replied and she rolled her eyes. "So why didn't you like his kiss?"

"He slobbered on me like a damned St. Bernard, John. It was the worst first kiss ever!" John couldn't help but laugh, the mental image of a boy slobbering on her was too hysterical to resist. She grabbed the spare and forgotten pillow, flopping him with it in the face.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"Laughing at my first kiss," she sniffed before putting her fluffy weapon down beside her. "You're lucky I don't have my cuffs or my gun."

"Promises," he winked. "So, favorite place you vacationed in?" he asked quickly.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so, John. You didn't answer a question from me."

"Ask away."

"How old were you when you had your first real kiss?" He groaned, why had he started this silly game? "Come on, spit it out, John."

"Fine, I was twelve."

"Twelve, okay gory details who, where, and did you enjoy it?"

"Technically those are extra questions."

"Oh hush you, spill."

"Heather, in school, and yeah I enjoyed it."

"You didn't slobber, did you?"

"No."

"I should have guessed you probably were born with your lips puckered." He made a face, then his eyes widened as a smile graced his face. "What's with the look, John?"

"You slobbered on the boy, not the other way around!

"No! He slobbered on me, I was the unsuspecting victim there." She couldn't believe she couldn't even save face here, how embarrassing telling the man you were falling in love with that your first kiss you slobbered on a guy!

"It's okay Joss, so when you were thirteen you kissed like a St. Bernard. You're not that bad anymore." His eyes twinkled with mischief. She'd show him. She grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. She slid her tongue deep into his mouth, searching every interesting part of it. She moved her lips against his, taking more, and making sure he was thoroughly kissed. When she was satisfied, she pushed back. She laid on the pillow, feeling smug at the dazed look on his face, before she snuck a peek down under the covers. He was definitely liking her kissing.

"Did that feel like a St. Bernard's kiss?"

"No," he said, fumflexed.

"My turn again." She decided he was such in a daze she could possibly steal another question before he realized it.

"No, it's my turn." She huffed, he caught her. "Favorite vacation."

"Walt Disney World with Taylor when he was ten, it was magical and fun. Our last real vacation anyway, now my baby boy is all grown up."

"Maybe you two could take a vacation together again."

"Maybe, I'd like that." She agreed. John wondered if he could ask Finch for a few days off to allow Harold and Shaw to handle the numbers for a few days, so he could take Joss and Taylor anywhere they wanted to go. "My turn again," she snuggled her head on the pillow some more.

"Aren't you done with this pillow-talk game?"

"How about one more?"

"Deal, you go since you'd say you want one for yourself anyway." He yawned a little and she sighed, he knew her so well.

"Favorite spot…" she grinned shifting closer, putting her finger to his lips to shush him to allow her to finish before he gave her some geographical place. "…that I kissed on your body?" He caught her finger into his mouth, she noticed the soft vulnerable look that graced his eyes before it disappeared as quickly as it came. He released her finger.

Their eyes met, he remained silent for a few minutes just watching her. She didn't really understand why she was holding her breath, but she was. "Here," his voice was gruff as he pointed to where his heart beat against his chest.

"Why?"

"I was a monster, Joss, never had a heart since I learned how to shut it down a long time ago. It didn't feel like it started beating again until I met you." Joss closed her eyes, trying to hide away the tears she knew he wouldn't want to see for him. But she felt so utterly sad for John, for him to ever believe he lived without a heart. His heart bled while he was in the CIA, they nearly took a beautiful man and truly broke him. She opened her eyes, his softened when he reached to brush away the tears that did manage to leak out. "Don't cry…"

"How can I not, John, after you say something like that?" She burrowed into him, instead of the pillow under her head, it was his shoulder. She wrapped her arms tightly around his naked form, while he did the same. He probably could feel the burn of her tears on his skin, but she couldn't stop them. She found where his heart was beating against his chest, kissing softly there. She felt the soft tremble in him as she had the first time she touched her lips there. She had figured it was just John needing to be inside her. Now, she knew the real reason. "I love you," she whispered against his skin, and placed another loving kiss near his heart. His body shuddered, he pulled her head back, kissing her hungrily before rolling her over and lying on top of her. The kiss was loving, tender, and passionate. When he pushed back softly she stared into his eyes.

"I love you, Joss." Their mouths came together hurriedly, as their bodies became even more urgent as they needed to be together. He slid himself into her, and she wrapped her legs and arms around him.

"Who knew pillow talk could reveal so much," she moaned as they moved together, he smiled warmly down at her. After they both reached their climaxes they laid on the same pillow, their heads touching, hands linked, legs tangled, bodies sated and cooling, and fell blissfully asleep.

* * *

Author's note: So fluffy it hurts, doesn't it. I just want to squish them together so much! I didn't think that love scene was graphic, it took considerable measure of my self control not to make it full on smutty.

Thank you as always I appreciate all of you :) :)


	5. Guilt

_**Prompt: Guilt**_  
_**Rating: T (for mentioned graphic violence, and adult themes)**_

_**Spoilers: up to 3x09 The Crossing**_

_**Warnings: suicide mentioned, graphic violence hinted at**_

_**Setting: takes place after 3x09 The Crossing AU since Carter is alive and well.**_

_**Relationship status: Pre**_

_**Sidenote: okay sorry it took me a while to post this, I was sick for a few days and I feel better now. So yay! Gretchen since you were patiently waiting and politely nudging me for the update I hope this is what you'd been waiting for :D Hope all you loyal readers enjoy!**_

* * *

Her fingers moved with quick efficiency born from years of hard work and determination. Joss had long ago learned valuable work ethics from her hardworking mother who worked non-stop for her and her kid sister to give them a life they deserved. She was back behind her desk in the precinct, with her shiny detective's badge back; since taking down Quinn, then helping Fusco arrest Simmons, things had returned to normal, or as normal as things could possibly be. People eyed her like she was some pariah because she had single handedly brought down the criminal organization of HR along with Quinn. They probably thought she felt that she was better than them. Which was hardly the truth, she had just been more motivated to bring them down and, besides, she had backup with her friends in the shadows.

Her fingers missed a beat, mis-typing a word when she thought about a certain 'friend' making her backspace a few times. A certain 'friend' that was hardly just that any longer, though to be fair, she had no idea what the hell they were now. Neither one of them ventured an attempt to discuss what happened at the morgue, or the days that succeeded it. Oh she replayed the moment in the morgue a million and one times, wondering, relishing, and reliving it; but speak about it, hell no. She didn't want John to shut her out. He didn't allow people to see the real him, in that morgue in that moment, as his shaking hand brushed her cheek she had seen the real him. It was breathtaking, even more so than the light brushing of his lips on hers. She smiled to herself, even knowing that they probably wouldn't ever speak about the kiss or their budding feelings, she had that moment to revel in. And it was okay by her, losing her best friend, losing John, was not an option.

Her phone rang. She smiled, picking up, hoping it was the devil she was thinking about, but rather it was Finch's recognizable unknown number. The smile didn't flee her lips as she answered. "Hey, need help with a new person?" She teased continuing her report. Since learning about the machine, the numbers, and how they got their cases didn't make it any easier for her. They did good work, so she wasn't going to lecture them on the illegal ramifications of what they did, but she couldn't go about thinking of their persons that were brought to their attention as just numbers. It just wasn't her, everyone was relevant to someone.

"No detective, actually I was hoping you could tell me if you had heard from Mr. Reese?" Her smile fled her face; her good mood all but vanished as her senses went on high alert. Finch sounded worried. John had a lot of enemies, all of whom would love nothing more than for the man in the suit to be dead. She stood up holstering her weapon, yanking on the black blazer of her pantsuit. John would stand by her looking down the devil himself, she wasn't about to let someone touch one hair on his head without someone by _his_ side.

"You lost him, again?" She wasn't trying to be accusatory, she was just worried about John. She remembered the last time he vanished from them. His former partner in the CIA had waltzed back from the dead, kidnapping him, and strapped him with a bomb. "What happened, who is after him this time?" A whole litany of agencies that could still be after John came to the top of her head, or all the people that he pissed off as the man in the suit, any number of enemies could be after him.

"Indeed, I lost him; I searched all of Mr. Reese's usual haunts without much luck." Finch sounded panicked, but his words threw her. He searched John's haunts? John wouldn't go somewhere where he would be easily accessible to his enemies.

"Can't you and Shaw track him?"

"Usually yes, but he threw his phone away in a high concentrate area of other New Yorkers. The last security feed I could see of him before he vanished into the sea of others surrounding him was John heading north on Lexington Avenue."

"Not that I condone it or anything, but can't you just ask your super computer to help you locate him?" She'd bend the rules to find him, especially if he was injured.

"No, Detective Carter, I can't. Ms. Shaw actually suggested a similar thing, but I don't have that type of relationship with the machine." She closed her eyes, resisting the urge to tell him to just ask Root! The woman was crazy, she thought of the machine as a friend, surely it would help her help them find John.

"Is he injured, who's after him?"

"Injured physically…no, emotionally yes, and who's after Mr. Reese is he himself." Finch's words were agitating to her because she didn't have time to decipher what the hell that meant, she needed to find him.

"Stop talking in riddles Finch! What happened?!"

"John was working a case solo; we received two numbers which weren't related in the least, so Ms. Shaw and Mr. Reese decided to split up to save both." She looked around the precinct, making sure there were no listening ears, growing even more impatient. "John tried to stop what happened but couldn't." She paused, looking down at the tiled floor. Oh god, now she began to understand.

"He lost someone."

"Yes and not just anyone, he lost a fourteen year old boy last night." She sucked in a breath.

"Neil Decker was your number?" She heard about the case from Olson who had been given it. He was sick to his stomach going over the crime scene, seeing all the senseless destruction inside that duplex. Only one survivor had come out, a little girl, Olson had ruled it a murder-suicide.

"Yes, Mr. Reese tried to stop the tragedy from happening but he was too late."

"There was a survivor," she murmured, feeling bile slowly rising up her esophagus. She prayed it wasn't what she was thinking. "A little girl named Rita."

"That's because Mr. Reese stopped the boy from killing his little sister." Her heart sank, her prayer hadn't been answered. To save the little girl, John had to shoot the boy. "John tried talking the teenager down, he had already shot and killed his parents, and when John burst in he had the gun trained on the little girl. Neil was too strung out on drugs to listen to reason; he went to shoot the girl and Mr. Reese fired first." Finch's voice was a bit shaky, though something wasn't making sense. The teen's death was ruled self-inflicted, Olson confirmed it, and she knew how John went for the kneecaps…she sat down when she was sure her legs wouldn't hold her up.

"What aren't you telling me, Finch?"

"Mr. Reese shot him in the knee. The little girl ran to John and the boy grabbed the gun, turning it on himself. Well, the rest I'm sure you know." She closed her eyes as tears welled up. So Neil Decker really did eat the gun in front of John's very eyes and he was helpless to stop it. "Since then, I haven't been able to find John. I had been hoping against hope he might have come to you."

"I haven't heard from him, but I will find him, I promise." When she did she just hoped it wouldn't be too late. They hung up; she grabbed her car keys and rushed to Fusco's desk. He was sitting with his glasses on, typing away his own report. "Cover for me." He looked up, blinking, clearly startled by her tone.

"You alright, Carter?"

"No, I'm not; I have to find John."

"Wonder boy in trouble, what else is new?"

"It's worse than you think, Fusco. Just cover for me if the captain asks where I am."

"Will do," Fusco seemed to sense her urgency, her fear, and worry because he didn't make a snide comment or joke. She turned, running for the exit. She took the stairs to the precinct two at a time, nearly knocking over a uniformed officer on her way down. She didn't bother to look back to apologize, didn't bother to care that he cursed at her. Joss just rushed to her car parked in the back, all thoughts were on finding John.

* * *

Hour after hour passed with her search resulting in not a single clue as to where John could be, she felt true terror. John Reese didn't handle loss well and losing a child was going to eat away at him. She had gone to places where she thought John would go, thinking no one would think he would be at, which resulted in absolutely nothing. She had gone to the crime scene worried he would be there, which he hadn't. She even searched where the little girl Rita Decker was at, seeing if he was watching from afar but he hadn't been there either. It was as if John Reese had vanished into thin air, it was dark now and her feet ached from walking so much but she wasn't giving up. She bypassed a camera on a light pole, pausing. Maybe Finch didn't have that type of relationship with the computer, but she was going to beg it for help. She looked around making sure she was alone, before looking up into the lens.

"I'm a damned good detective, I'm good at what I do, but I'm also human. I can't see everything like you can, I can't find him anywhere. I tried by myself, I tried with the help of Fusco, and Harold, but now I'm asking you for help. Please, help me find John." She whispered, begged as tears filled her eyes. She had to find him, soon. When the camera did nothing, she decided to stop wasting time asking an inanimate object for help. She was nuts thinking it would have done something, she wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks away as she walked to her car. When she climbed in, her phone buzzed with a text. On it, from an unknown source, was an address. She smiled. "Thank you!" she cried to no one in particular, having the good sense to know that this all-powerful machine could hear her, as she sped away.

* * *

It took her less than twenty minutes to arrive at the seedy motel she found at the corner of the address she received, it creeped her out. She checked her phone to see if the computer would give her a room number, when it didn't, she rushed to the lobby area. A woman sat behind a large desk, reading a book. Her eyes lifted when the bell on the door rang signifying Joss' entrance.

"Hello, looking for a room?" the woman greeted with a smile, but Carter shook her head, showing her badge instead.

"I'm Detective Carter I'm looking for someone in one of your rooms. I need the names of who just recently rented a room in the past 24 hours." The woman nodded her head going to her computer. She typed away.

"We have three."

"What are their names?" She knew of most of John's aliases. He would have needed a license to rent a room from them.

"Okay we have Melinda Huggins, Daniel Combs, and Lester Innis." Joss furrowed her brows. No, that couldn't be. She was lead to this seedy motel from the machine, he had to be here.

"What room numbers are they in?"

"Um, Melinda Huggins is in room eighty-two, Mr. Combs is in room twenty-seven, and Mr. Innis is in room ten." She read out loud. None of those names were any of John's aliases. She thanked the woman before exiting. She looked around the motel, the slimy looking green doors mocked her. Joss almost turned to leave when her gaze fell on room number 14. Maybe he was here after all. She turned around and walked back inside. The woman looked back up from her book. "Can I help you further, detective?"

"Yes, can you tell me is there anyone renting room number fourteen?" The young woman typed away.

"No."

"Can I rent that room, specifically please?"

"Sure." The young woman typed up the information, she handed the woman her credit card while her eyes strayed to the green door of the motel room. "Here you go." Joss turned, thanking the woman for the keycard before hurrying out of the lobby. She ran across the courtyard, hurrying to the green door, upturning her collar to the cold wind. Her heart raced, knowing without a shadow of doubt he was in there. Call it intuition, a hunch, or just blind luck, she just knew he was here. She inserted the keycard into the mechanism and the door unlocked. She pushed it open, seeing it was pitch black inside. But she didn't need to bother to turn a light switch on, she knew he was inside the room, she could feel his presence. The door to the room slid shut, encompassing her in the blinding darkness. She heard the noticeable click from a trigger of a gun that was empty being pulled.

"Leave." In that one gravely word she knew he was in a lot of pain. It was low and slurred, making her heart ache.

"No, John, I'm not leaving you." She thought she heard his breath hitch. He must not have realized she was the one to enter the room, either that or he hadn't been expecting her to refuse. "I'm going to turn the light on."

"No, leave it off." His tone was dead, unfeeling. He sounded drunk. She listened, keeping still, not wanting to upset him further.

"You've been drinking, haven't you?" She asked gently trying to keep the tension she was under out of her voice. She couldn't let him know how worried she was about him, it might work opposite of what she wanted to accomplish here, which simply was saving him from himself. She wasn't going to leave until she had him right beside her.

"What do you think?" His tone was snide, meant to make her turn around and leave him be.

"What I think is you're trying to punish yourself for something you had no control over." She fired right back, wishing she could see his face. If she could see his eyes, she would know how far gone he was. She heard another click, she prayed to god there was no bullets in that damn thing. "So what's the plan, John, wallowing in grief over a tragedy you couldn't stop?"

"Go away." Being it was pitch black in the room, she couldn't see where he was or if he was watching her. Joss wasn't scared he would hurt her, she was scared he would hurt himself. So she kept her movements slow but sure, so he didn't see her moving. Most light switches were on the very front wall near the door. If she could see him, she could help him better. "I said don't put the light on." Well there went her theory he couldn't see her moving. Her eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness too, so she could make out his form on the bed in the room. He was sprawled out across it.

"John, Finch told me about your case with the boy." She started quietly. "It's not your fault; you tried to stop him, you saved the little girl from harm." She paused when she heard another click of the gun he must have in his hand, toying with it, and all she could imagine was him holding it to his head as he pulled on the trigger. "Stop it!" she snapped in fear, deciding to hell with him being angry, and reached for the light switch. Instead of yelling at her as the room flooded with light, not a peep made it out of him. She gasped in horror when she turned and saw him. "Oh John, what happened to you?" She made a move to go to him but stopped when he tensed. John was a mess. His hair was disheveled, he had a long gash across his forehead, bruises lining his handsome face, and he was so utterly pale, his eyes were on the gun in his hand. His suit jacket was off, his dress shirt was ripped open, and a dark crimson stain blossomed out from underneath it.

"I got into a fight in a bar." His words were quiet, slurred still, and his eyes remained on the gun, not looking up at her. She shook her head. When she first met John he had been homeless and drunk, he had beaten up four thugs. There was no way she believed he would get his ass kicked by some drunken fools at a bar. Her eyes immediately fell to his free hand that wasn't clutching the pistol, to the knuckles that even for a seasoned fighter like John would show some redness if they had been just recently used in a fight. But there was not a single mark, no redness, and her heart broke.

"You picked a fight and didn't fight back." He lifted his gaze from the gun to her and she swallowed a gasp. She saw nothing in them, which scared the shit out of her, but she trudged on. "Taking a look at those injuries, I'd say you must have really pissed somebody off." She slid her coat off before locking the deadbolt, deciding they were going to be there for a while.

"Go away, I'm not asking this time."

"What are you going to do?" she crossed her arms across her chest, glaring down at him before walking across the room towards the small bathroom. "Besides I rented this room for the night, I have more rights to it then you since you somehow broke into it." She called out after entering the tiny bathroom, finding the first-aid kit that motels were forced to have, people just needed to look in the right spots. She exited the bathroom before moving over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes roved over him, noting with mild success that he hadn't told her to leave again. Her next step was to get that damned gun away from, then clean him up from his injuries. "That looks like a knife wound to your side." She said hoping in his drunken state that her misdirect would work, so she could grab the gun from him. She reached out, and she looked at him startled when he encircled her wrist tightly with his hand.

"Don't."

"Give me the gun."

"I'm not asking you again, Carter, get out."

"And I won't ask you again, give me the gun." Neither one of them backed down. He wouldn't give her the gun and she wouldn't leave. They both were very different but in one trait they both shared, stubbornness. But she also knew with his fragile emotional state, saying something about the boy would yield results. She didn't wish to injure him further but she wasn't willing to risk that he wouldn't try to use that gun on himself. "Killing yourself won't bring back the boy." It seemed like her words hit home because his entire face contorted in so much agony that she didn't even recognize him. Unshed tears filled his blue eyes, though none made an attempt to break free. Joss reached out, taking the gun from him with her free hand. He didn't even attempt to fight her. He let her go immediately as if her hand scalded him, and she immediately stood up, pulling the clip out seeing there was one bullet in there. It was the next one in the clip. Her eyes lifted to look at him, feeling betrayed.

"I told you before; it's got my name written on it." It wasn't the same bullet as the one he left her in the morgue, but metaphorically speaking it was. She trembled as she put the gun down on the table well away from him. She took her holster off placing it beside his, fearful he'd just grab her weapon. She turned moving to him.

"I hate you." She murmured, though not meaning it as she sat down beside him, quickly undoing what was left of the buttons of his shirt. She was so angry with him.

"That makes two of us." His words were so quiet she almost had to strain to hear them. Her gaze lifted from his body, to look at his face.

"You think killing yourself will make the world better because you failed to save a kid that was hooked on drugs, that killed his family because they tried to help him kick the habit? What about the little girl you saved? Isn't she important?" She demanded but received no answer, not verbal or non-verbal. She lifted his chin gently with her fingers to force his gaze up. "Tell me, John, isn't she important? You saved her by shooting her brother, she would be dead right now if hadn't been for you."

"I wanted to save them both," he answered, trying to explain something even he didn't understand.

"I know that." His face spoke of his utter pain over what happened, his eyes that were once void were now glittering with those same unshed tears he refused himself to cry. "I know you." She parted his mangled dress shirt before grabbing at the soft cotton of his undershirt. John didn't bother helping her, his gaze had found something interesting on the ceiling. She wondered if the mixture of alcohol, emotional pain, and physical pain was getting to him. She eased the undershirt from his pants with little resistance from him before opening the first aid kit going for the small scissors encased inside. She made a small incision at the hemline of the shirt, cutting up. Once she was sure she could rip the shirt without much effort, she threw the scissors far across the room. She wasn't about to take the chance to let him do any physical harm to himself.

Joss grabbed each side of the small flaps that she created with the scissors, and tore. The cotton groaned, but her eyes were on the man she cared for so much. She wanted to reach out to touch his face, comfort him, but right now he wouldn't welcome it. Her eyes drifted down to her task at hand; when she had the fabric out of the way of his wound she was satisfied. "Looks like you were stuck with sharp glass," she muttered more to herself than to him. At first glance she had been worried he had been stabbed from a knife, but now as she looked at it, he was stabbed alright, but with a sharp piece of glass from a beer bottle perhaps.

"Every-time I close my eyes I see him." Her hands hovered over his wound, just her eyes lifted to his face. He spoke so quietly, slowly, as if he was making a conscious effort to not slur, a tear made the daring attempt to leak out. John didn't bother to stop it, nor the second or third. She looked down hiding her emotions, praying he would talk to her, but also hoping he wouldn't. She knew what he saw; she didn't want to hear the grisly details.

"Tell me," her own wish to protect herself from what he saw vanished, because her need to help him was much greater. "Please, John, I'm here."

"I knew I was too late when the first gunshots went off as I ran towards the duplex. Maybe if I had gotten there in time the parents would be alive, the boy would get help, and the little girl wouldn't have had to watch her parents be murdered by her brother." Her mouth opened to argue with him, but she forced it shut, afraid he would clam up if she spoke. Her teeth clenched together tightly. That was so much weight he was placing on himself, unnecessary weight too. He was human, all he could do was hope and try to be there when bad things happened. Joss continued bandaging his wound and waited for him to continue.

"What happened?" she gently nudged.

"I went in, he was screaming at his sister while she sobbed. Their parents were lying on the ground in a pool of blood, not moving, they had taken bullets to the head. Neil looked at me then back at Rita, and I knew he was going to shoot her."

"So you shot him in the kneecap." She finished bandaging his wound to his side, abandoning the first aid kit. She had to help his emotional state before she tended to the rest of his cuts that needed attention. Joss grabbed his left hand in a pathetic attempt to offer him some comfort. His Adam's apple bobbed as if he was having a hard time swallowing.

"Yes," the lone word was so raspy, so full of pain she thought she would crumple under it herself. It exuded out of him, she squeezed his hand. She gulped in air knowing what was coming.

"The little girl ran to you didn't she?"

"Yes." The haunted look on his face made her heart bleed.

"You held her, didn't you?" She reached out touching his cheek.

"Yes," he responded resignedly, almost in reflex to her words.

"And you watched Neil turn the gun on himself."

"I watched him pick up the gun while I held his sister who was sobbing in my arms; I was already poised to kill him, a fourteen year old boy if he thought of shooting the little girl. But instead he put the gun in his mouth and blew his brains out." Joss shook her head, looking down, her vision was blurred from the tears. Such a tragic loss and now John was blaming himself for not saving the boy too. "And I let it happen."

"You're right, you did." It pained her to say it but she was tired of the easy approach. He wasn't responding to it anyways. His blank expression rose to hers. "I mean you're God, right? You should know when bad things are going to happen!" She said simply. She was angry with him for trying to put everything on himself. Not all bad things happened for a reason. Sometimes bad things happened, because they just did. "I mean how could you _not_ know that the kid was going to kill his parents and attempt to kill his sister?!"

"Stop," he growled almost like a wounded animal would, getting defensive knowing she was about to attack. But she wasn't going to stop. Not now, not ever.

"No you stop, John, I'm just speaking what you feel. You think Neil's death is your fault, hell you think anything bad that happens is your fault, because why?-you're a monster? Doesn't matter all the good you've done, all the people you've saved including that little girl, and could save in the future. Nope, doesn't matter in John's Reese's mind, because he made the error of being _human_, seeking to comfort an eight year little girl that watched her parents get murdered."

"Enough, Joss." his tone was low, venomous, and truly unrecognizable. Her heart ached, but she had him. She could see it the glistening in his eyes, the raw edges on his face.

"You watched a fourteen year old troubled teenager blow his brains out. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to cry over the loss, and be human because you're not a monster. But you won't allow yourself to believe that about yourself." She ended on a shaky breath, deciding to drive the final nail into him, to get beneath his armor that was cracking with each new word she uttered. "You lied to me, John." Tears filled her eyes. "I believed you in that morgue when you said I changed you." He flinched like she had slapped him in the face, and she waited.

"Joss…" he looked so lost and she had him. She knew he didn't lie to her in the morgue, she just needed him to remember how he felt. She leaned forward, crushing her mouth onto his, needing to give him some comfort, some human connection regardless if he wanted it or not. The kiss was not sweet or gentle like the one in the morgue. No, this was one was brutal in its intensity. Their mouths were rough on one another's, both still very upset over what had happened. She shoved her tongue past his lips, seeking to take her fill of him. If she was honest with herself she loved him, if she was honest with herself she needed this more than he did, but she ignored that little inside voice. Instead she concentrated on making him forget his pain, forget the notion of being this soulless monster who took on the weight of the world, and forget that he had witnessed something so horrific that any person would have nightmares for years to come.

She grabbed his cheeks tightly in her hands, refusing to allow him even a chance to push back from her mouth that plundered and took from his. But he didn't seem to want to push back because his hands tugged her closer, kissing her desperately, frantically, as if she was his last tenuous hold on Earth. She could taste the whiskey, promptly ignored it. After several minutes of urgently kissing him she gentled her kiss, wishing to heal. She sucked gently at his lips, kissing him tenderly. It was the moment her kiss turned gentler and loving when he struggled. Well too damn bad, he was going to feel her love for him even if she couldn't express it.

He broke the kiss, so she dragged her lips across his cheek, his neck. "Did you lie that night when you said I changed your mind, changed you?" she breathed as she sprinkled kisses along his jaw.

"No," his choked answer was music to her ears. She pushed her body forward, pressing him backwards, he slid down, and she wrapped him in her arms, his clutched around her so tightly. They laid side by side, her fingers running through his short hair, holding him to her, her chest acting as his pillow. The intense kiss, the way they were laying intimately and lovingly, told her she had just blown apart their friendship, but she didn't even care. He didn't need a friend now, he needed her and only her. They'd figure out what to do with their feelings later when he had gotten some sleep and was not drunk. He couldn't deal with their feelings right now, neither could she, so she was going to concentrate on trying to heal his bleeding heart.

"Rest, you'll feel better once you aren't so exhausted and drunk," she murmured, feeling the tension in him. She remembered his confession that every time he shut his eyes he saw the teen, she leaned back a little, kissing his forehead affectionately. "Close your eyes, John."

"Can't," his voice was thick.

"Yes you can, trust in me and close your eyes." She hoped he was listening. "Got them shut?" The way they were laying she couldn't see his face. Well she was going to act as if he listened. "Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all those chicks?" she half sang, cringing when she realized she couldn't think of any other theme than Shaft. Her words were meant to surprise, and get him to focus on something other than the teenager. She felt his body subtly move, it was so soft she had to almost strain to hear his chuckle. She wished to pump her fist in victory fashion, because she gotten John to laugh. "Shaft!" she sang softly, gently rubbing her hand in his hair stroking lightly. After a few minutes of humming to him his body relaxed, his breath evened out, and she shifted back a little, keeping her hand stroking through his soft hair, seeing his eyes shut. She snuggled closer to him, she'd get up later to cleanse his wounds, because right now she was more needed beside him.

"I'll be right here if you need me, John," she whispered her promise in his ear. His hold tightened unconsciously in answer, making her smile. _I love you_ was on the tip of her tongue, but she held it in; instead wanting him awake, sober, and not so emotionally drained when she spoke the words that half petrified and half excited her. She watched him sleep for a while, waiting until he was in a deep slumber to ease away. She slid from the bed, taking great care not to awaken him.

She had a few things she needed to do, she needed to call Finch to tell him she found him, clean his wounds, and go find some dinner for them both. She watched him like a hawk, smiling when he lightly snored. Her eyes strayed to the guns resting on the small wooden table near the modest 24 inch television. Joss pulled out her cell phone dialing Finch's number to give him the good news, while she held the lone bullet that had been in the clip, holding it up to gaze upon.

"Detective, did you find him?"

"Yes, you can call off the search party, I found him."

"Oh thank god, is he alright?"

"He's a little worse for wear right now, but I think he'll be better once he's sober and not so exhausted."

"Good, I'll let Ms. Shaw and Detective Fusco know that he's been found."

"Thanks." They hung up. She continued to eye the bullet that could have taken John from her. She knew it wasn't the exact same bullet as the one he had left her in the morgue. It couldn't be since she had that one as well. That one she kept because it had been John's close call, she swallowed hard as she pocketed this one for a different reason. Because it had been her close call…of almost losing him before she even had a chance to tell him everything that she had been saving in her heart. Her eyes strayed to his form on the bed, deciding on her future, and smiled as she moved towards him to first cleanse his wounds then hold him for the rest of the night.

* * *

Author's note: Angsty right, and this isn't the sad one that involves Carter that I have hinted to some of my reviewers that I can respond too. Ugh, I hope people won't burn me at the stake for the sad Carter one...anyways about this one when I got guilt I immediately thought of John. He wears that emotion so much, hardly a stretch for me to think he wouldn't hold himself responsible for not arriving ten seconds earlier.

Thank you to everyone that reads and reviews and such things I appreciate it. I wish I could respond to all the guest reviewers...*pouts* So I guess here will have to do, thank you to all you guest reviewers XOXOXOXOX


	6. Marriage

_**Prompt: Marriage**_  
_**Rating:T**_

_**Warnings: none**_

_**Setting: takes place after 3x05 but before 3x09**_

_**Relationship status: pre**_

_**Sidenote: I just wanted to apologize in advance for the failure that this story could be :( I cut out a really fluffy, cute, sexy, and humorous moment between Careese because it didn't fit, and I miss it! Everytime I read this I get a frown on my face because its gone, but it didn't work for this story *sigh* I guess there is always the possibility of including it in a future oneshot where it would work. But it was so darn cute!**_

* * *

"So what's up?" John looked up from staring at his scotch he was nursing to see the woman of his affections saunter over to him. He kept his face emotionless, so she wouldn't know how she affected him. She flung the cap she was forced to wear, hiding her beautiful hair, onto the table and slid into the booth across from him. He hadn't been lying when he told her she looked badass in her uniform, he just didn't bother adding that he found her damned hot in it. How do you tell a woman that was 'just' your friend you found her sexually attractive? You didn't, that's how.

"Does there have to be a reason I called for you, Carter?" he drawled, getting a smirk to grace her pretty little mouth. She motioned to the waitress and asked for a ginger ale before turning her gaze back to him.

"With you, sort of, since you aren't the 'shoot the breeze' type of guy."

"Maybe I just want to see how you're holding up."

"Or maybe you want my help."

"Who me?" He played innocent which earned him a snort from her. "But you caught me, Carter; I do need your assistance."

"Well don't keep me in suspense. What do you need, you want me to pull someone over, fingerprint someone, scare the hell out of them?"

"No, though you do exact fear into everyone quite well, Carter, I need one very specific thing from you."

"What?"

"You to be my wife." Her brows shot up high.

"Me? What happened to Zoe, you two get a messy divorce?" she snickered just as her ginger ale was placed in front of her.

"A little, she wanted visitation rights to Bear." He teased right back.

"More like conjugal visits with you," Joss murmured quietly as she went to sip her ginger ale trying to cloak her comment. She sat back a little in the booth. "So why me?"

"Why not you?"

"Why not Zoe or Shaw?" John grimaced at the mention of Shaw, which Carter noticed and laughed. "True, you and Shaw just don't look like a couple, but what about Zoe?" She couldn't help but wonder why he was asking her and not his 'lady friend' Zoe.

"She's not equipped for this undercover mission."

"And why not? She played your wife well before." Zoe took great care in telling the whole world that she was John's wife even though it was a façade. Zoe had claimed John a long time ago.

"It's because you and I are posing as assassins that happen to be married. We were 'hired' by our newest person we received from our source."

"Ah, so Zoe can't shoot straight, can she?" Ha, take that Ms. Perfect, she had one quality that Zoe didn't have.

"She has a gun, though I'm not sure she can shoot quite well or not. But I need someone convincing, which you would be."

"Aw, such sweet talk, how could I ever refuse that?!" John eyed Joss; she looked irritated with him for something. He wasn't sure what he said, so he decided to add in a please somewhere here.

"Will you please do it with me, Carter?" Joss groaned inwardly. Yes, a million times yes, she would 'do' it with him again and again, but she knew he didn't mean it in that sense. John was sitting across from her, looking at her with big blue eyes; she could barely contain the urge to rip his clothes off. She wanted to slam her face into the table in agony, damn it; they were friends, this pesky attraction needed to go away!

"Fine, I'll do it with you," she huffed, trying to hide her reaction to him with exasperation. John groaned, why did she have to agree to the undercover mission like that? He would love nothing more than to carry her to his bed, worship her body all night long. He mentally shook himself, she didn't mean it the way he dreamed of, so he forced a smile while pulling out a ring. "Damn, it's bigger than my old ring when I really did get married." He grinned, quite happy that she was amazed, but the smile on her face slid away. "Is this the same ring you gave Zoe?"

"No," he blinked questioningly. "She wanted to keep it for payment." He noticed the smile fill her face again before taking it free of the box and slipping it onto her left hand.

"So hubby, when do we play house?"

* * *

Joss walked side by side with John as they entered their hotel room. Their newest person that they were trying to get close to was the same man that hired them, owned the hotel they were staying at, and said they would meet later to discuss their 'assignment'. Both she and John were pretty sure the man was the perpetrator and not the victim. John tipped the bellhop, who left in a flourish, and Joss looked around the suite they were in.

"Nice digs."

"Yeah," John murmured in agreement, stalking towards the window. John was dressed in entirely different attire than his 'man in the suit' persona. Instead he was wearing tight blue jeans, a stark white undershirt, and a leather jacket. Her gaze had fallen to his ass a few times since seeing him in such a mouth-watering way. She herself had foregone her own attire going for skintight clothing, and dark makeup. Her black dress was snug, a gun strapped to her upper-thigh, and she noticed a darkening in John's irises when he saw her at her place when he picked her up. Maybe, she wasn't the only one feeling the attraction, which made her feel almost giddy,it wasn't all one sided.

John searched the hotel room for any listening devices, cameras, or anything else that could give away that they weren't who they claimed to be. And what he found was discouraging, he tapped his earpiece "Finch the room is bugged, heavily." He whispered to his friend and employer, as he casually browsed their room.

"_I'll see what I can do, Mr. Reese__;__ in the meantime speak in euphemisms if you have __t__o."_

He sighed, easy for him to say, the place was crawling with bugs, cameras, and god knows what else. Their new number was extremely paranoid and Finch didn't have to pretend to be Joss's husband and not make it more than what it was. She had her back to him, looking through her suitcase, and he walked immediately towards her. "Come here, I need you,"he said in his best sultry voice; she turned around with a startled look.

"John," she let out a cute little sound when he shoved her backwards onto the bed, climbed on top of her, praying he wouldn't get kneed in the groin for this, and put his head near her ear.

"The room is bugged,"he whispered before he moved his mouth and caught hers. John wasn't ready for the softness of her lips, the way she felt beneath him, or how intoxicating one single kiss could be. Her hands that were on his shoulders as if she was going to struggle, slid around his neck, and pulled him closer. Her lips parted and he licked her lower lip. Her gasp was cute and he swallowed it, he slid his tongue into her mouth and her legs wrapped around his hips. She helped ease his leather jacket off of him, while their kiss that was meant for show, suddenly felt different. He teased his fingers across her skin, while his tongue searched her mouth. "_Mr. Reese, I can't seem to locate where the transmission is going too_." John sighed as he broke the kiss when Finch's voice broke the spell he was falling under. Joss rolled him over, pinning him to the bed, and she lowered her head down to his ear.

"He's paranoid; maybe we can use it to our advantage." She whispered in his ear before moaning quite loudly as he ran his hands up her thighs beneath her dress. He found her gun strapped around her smooth upper-thigh on her right leg, he smiled up at her toying with the strap. "I love it when you do that, John." She played up her end of the bargain of being his wife. He rolled them over again.

"I have an idea, Joss." He whispered in her ear before tugging on her earlobe. He tried to will his body to stop responding to hers, he couldn't help it, she was so attractive and responsive to him. "Joss, I'm going to make you scream my name for the whole damned world to hear."

"Yes," she purred.

"But business before pleasure, baby, I got to go cut Banes' throat out for even thinking of putting bugs in our room to get his jollies. No one looks at _my wife_." He growled angrily as he climbed off of her before smacking the tiny camera off the top of one of the bedposts. He got off the bed entirely and stalked around to where he found the first bug easily, yanking out the bug and stomping on it. The door to their hotel room opened, John immediately went for his gun aiming it at them. Mr. Edward Banes, their newest number along with who he assumed was an associate, stood there with their hands up a little.

"I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Spencer! I only placed the bugs and cameras to see if your reputations proceeded you and I'm quite satisfied that they do. Ralph will dispose of the listening devices and cameras at once."

"Do you know what I do to people that lie to me?" John pulled back the hammer of his gun. "I make it so that they never lie to me again." He decided to play up the lose-cannon angle because he could see the uneasiness in Banes as he eyed him.

"Babe, put the gun down," Joss purred as she sauntered over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and nibbled at his neck. "I'm sure Mr. Banes here is telling the truth about the cameras and bugs; he's not some pervert wanting to see you and I having sex." She turned his face towards her and kissed him. He sighed as he lowered the weapon and kissed her back, really enjoying this part of his cover. She broke the kiss to lean her head against his chest. "Sorry Mr. Banes, my husband has a short fuse and he's very possessive of me."

"N-no, it's quite alright, I didn't mean to upset him." John hid a smile. Well, scaring this guy was easy. Now he just needed to learn why they were hired, who he wanted to kill, and for what reason?

"Can you just cut to the chase and tell me why you hired us, so I can pleasure my wife?" He gave this Ralph guy dead eyes as he watched the man going around the room taking the bugs and cameras down.

"Y-yes, Mr. Spencer, uh-well I need you and your wife's expertise f-for my protection. I think my life is in danger and I wanted assassins that wouldn't be afraid to kill and clean up the mess." Interesting the reason he hired 'John and Jocelyn Spencer' wasn't to kill someone, but rather protect himself. So that gave new meaning to why his number came up, he could be the perpetrator or victim. He shifted his gaze off of Ralph and back onto Banes.

"Do you know who's after you? It will make protecting you from any possible threat easier," Joss spoke up. Well she was playing good cop, he'll play up the bad cop routine.

"Or we could just shoot everyone that comes anywhere near him, which I prefer." He lifted his gun to aim at the back of Banes' bodyguard and mouthed 'bang' with a smirk.

"John, honey, you're scaring Mr. Banes." She pulled his arm down. Her touch was like a electric shot on his arm.

"N-n-o, I'm alright, Mrs. Spencer; it's just I never hired assassins before, I didn't realize they could be so eccentric." John allowed his smirk to fall from his face.

"What is that supposed to mean, eccentric?" John snarled.

"It means you're unique, babe." She grinned, pinching his butt hard. He shot her a smile while inwardly wondering if it was Joss that was pinching him, or 'Jocelyn Spencer.' "Mr. Banes, we'll do everything in our power to keep you alive. No one will hurt you on our watch."

He nodded his head before eyeing John and then back at her. "Raymond Arlington might be the man that is sending me death threats, if that helps narrow things down a bit." John inwardly smiled. Everyone trusted Joss, she had that aura about her that whenever you were around her, you would want her on your side or for her to fight beside you. He knew he did.

"Anyone else?"

"Not anyone that comes to mind."

"Okay." She nodded as she smiled softly.

"I have a gala I must attend tonight in the ballroom here at the hotel. You both are attending as well, to keep me safe. I paid half of your fee upfront to ensure you'll remain here and I'll pay the other half once the threat to my life is gone."

"If anyone tries to harm you, I'll put a bullet between their eyes," John assured him almost maniacally. He watched the man that hired them closely. The way he nodded, the way he trembled told him everything he needed to know. This guy was definitely the victim not the perp like they first thought, and this guy clearly was regretting hiring them. John had counted all the devices in Ralph's hands, glad to see that Banes was true to his word; he had taken all of the devices, allowing him and Joss to speak freely now. Banes' right hand man opened the door for Banes before quietly shutting the door behind them. Joss swung her gaze onto John.

"What the hell was that?"

"What, I was playing bad cop to your good cop."

"No, that wasn't bad cop, that was insane cop that needs to be institutionalized! The guy was about to wet himself thinking you were going to shoot him!" She chided before she smiled. "It was kind of funny though," she conceded.

"_Mr. Reese, are you and Jocelyn alright_?" He blinked, remembering that Finch was still on the other end. He hadn't had time to disconnect with him.

"We're fine Finch; did you hear him?"

"_Yes, it seems our first thought that he was the perpetrator isn't correct. He hired assassins to protect him. Why __doesn't he go to the police?_"

"I don't know. I'm thinking there is more to the story than what we are getting. He wants Joss and I to go this gala with him tonight; I assume he's fearful this Raymond Arlington will be at it." He walked around the hotel room pacing back and forth; he turned and saw Joss eyeing him strangely. He furrowed his brows when her gaze immediately slid away.

"_Oh no__,__ I gotta go, Mr. Reese__; __Detective Fusco and Ms. Shaw need __my assistance_." John opened his mouth only to slowly shut it when he heard the dial tone.

"He hung up on me." Joss didn't bother saying anything, she just smiled at him. "What is it, Carter?"

"You kiss damn good, John."

"You're surprised? I think you just wounded my ego a bit," he teased and she laughed softly.

"No, actually I figured you'd be a good kisser."

"So why do you seem surprised?"

"Because I never thought I'd get to experience a John Reese kiss."

"Don't call it that ever again, please. And why did you think I'd never kiss you, you're attractive, we have some sort of connection?" He tested the waters. He had feelings for her since he met her, but always felt like he wouldn't ever be good enough for her. So he was happy with being just her friend, but if she gave him some indication she wanted something more he'd gladly jump at the chance. She snorted while she rolled her eyes. As he feared, she clearly found that happening when hell froze over. "What was the sound for?"

"Well for one thing, that kiss didn't mean anything but for our cover; secondly, you're with Zoe; thirdly, we're just friends; and last but certainly not least, I'm not your type and you're definitely not mine," Joss assured him even though she found herself floundering on her last thing on the long list. Because as much as she wished it was different it was the truth. She wasn't John's type, but she lied…he was most definitely hers. He was so her type so much so, that it hurt to know that nothing would ever happen between them.

"Yeah," he kept his gaze off her and he strode past her. "You can go Joss, you know you don't have to help me, I can just tell Banes you had to leave."

"Wait, you asked me here to help you and I'm here." She was confused, he had asked her here needing her help and now that they were finally getting somewhere, he didn't want it?

"I'll be fine; you can leave and bring down HR, for Beecher." He kept his back to her but his words were sharp, low, and to the point. There were a few things she learned about John in the couple years she's known him, and that was when he was hurt he pushed away. It was a defense mechanism she had seen from many a soldier, especially the tough ones that had seen too much. When they got hurt they fled, it was easier pushing away people than be exposed to the pain that they didn't want to deal with. Joss had hurt John and she had no idea how.

"John, I'm not going anywhere." He didn't bother turning around but just nodded his head. "Did I say something to upset you?" she asked gently. But John turned around and his face was a mask. A smile appeared though it didn't reach his eyes, nor was it genuine, she knew when she saw a real smile from John. When he smiled her breath caught, her heart beat faster, and her pulse raced, none of which were happening right now.

"No, I'm fine. Let's concentrate on Banes, so you can get back to following HR and I get back to Zoe." He walked past her, over to the window, leaving her to watch him.

* * *

John could feel Joss's eyes on him. She had been staring at him all day since their minor tiff that she wasn't even aware that they had. He was angrier with himself for allowing his hopes to get up that she would ever think of him as anything other than just a friend. She was right, he had Zoe, though she never satisfied him quite the way Zoe thought she did. But she was very wrong about the fact that she wasn't his type. She was very much his type. She was tough, beautiful, intelligent, and perfect. Everything that he wanted, but couldn't ever have.

They had arrived at this gala an hour ago, watching Banes from afar, looking for any signs of trouble. Banes watched him worriedly, probably afraid he would still rip his throat out, while he walked around the hotel's giant ballroom. Finch had found out that Banes had done a hostile takeover of Mr. Arlington's 'Arlington Hotels' about three months prior. The death threats started shortly thereafter. It was no wonder why the man thought it was Mr. Arlington, nothing bad had happened to Banes, but the machine wouldn't have given them his number for no reason.

"Let's dance John; we need to keep up appearances." He blinked when he realized that Joss was already standing and leaving him no option. She was right, they had to pretend to be married. He forced a smile and stood up. He followed her onto the dance floor where other couples were already dancing. He embraced her and they danced quietly. He kept from looking at her, but he couldn't help himself, he enjoyed having her in his arms. "So are you gonna tell me what's wrong or am I supposed to guess?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as he danced with her.

"Obviously I said something that upset you because you tried to push me off the case and haven't spoken more than five words to me since. So what did I say that pissed you off?"

"Nothing," he assured her, his voice clipped and cold. She didn't say anything he didn't already know. He wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself.

"Stop it, John." Her body moved closer to his, her arms encircled his neck tighter and her mouth nuzzled into his neck.

"Let's not talk about this now," he whispered in her ear, the one that didn't have an earpiece with Shaw and Finch listening in on them.

"I know you, you're upset."

"Oh, you think you know me?" he scoffed, he couldn't help it. If she knew him so well, then she wouldn't have said that she wasn't his type. He sighed, he didn't want to argue with her, he just wanted this night to be over, this case to be over, and to keep his distance from her. "The dance is over." He went to release her but she tightened her hold.

"Go ahead make a scene, expose our fake marriage, and blow our cover." She murmured against his neck. "But I'm not letting you go." She leaned her head back, he saw determination in her eyes, and he could tell she meant it.

"You would be risking Banes' life."

"So be it."

"That's not you," she just shrugged and he scowled at her when her tight vise-like grip left him little to no chance of freeing himself without causing a scene. That was something he wouldn't do and she knew it.

"Give me your grumpy face all you want, you asked me to be your pretend wife, so now I get some royalties to go along with it. You're my husband in the eyes of everyone here, so as I see it…" she paused moving close so that their pelvises brushed. "…you are stuck. May as well tell me what's bothering you."

"It's nothing."

"John, you are the most exasperating man I ever met!"

"Well, the same goes for you Joss."

"I'm not as exasperating to deal with as you are for me."

"_Mr. Reese __and Detective…._" Finch's voice wiggled into their ears but both John and Joss ignored him.

"Oh really now, you think you are easy to deal with, Joss?"

"Compared to you, I'd say I'm a walk in the park."

"_Please Mr. Reese and detective__,__ this isn't the time or place to have such discussions._"

"_Shut up Finch__! __Reese and Carter are about to blow_!" Both he and Joss could hear their friends but they were in their own little world right now.

"A walk in the park, Carter, really?"

"Yes, a walk in the park. I don't brood 24/7 like you do! I bet if you had a to-do list, I'd see brood at the top of it, then scowl intensely at everyone I see, followed by shooting someone!"

"No you don't brood, you just open up to strangers who you think are serial killers instead of people that care about you."

"I talked to you!"

"After," he growled. "After, I busted you!"

"That's not fair John, you don't tell me everything."

"It's different."

"How, how is what I did any different than what you've done to me?" She demanded, her tone getting chillier by the second.

"I left you in the dark to protect you." He snapped angrily, trying to reign in his emotions.

"So did I!"

"_Mr. Reese and detective__,__ please__,__ you two are getting louder and louder, you are most definitely going to blow your own cover_."

"_Oh come on Finch__,__ it's just getting to the good part, __they're__ having their first marital spat__,_" Shaw cackled to Finch, both John and Joss immediately tapped their earpieces, muting them to have blissful silence.

"I don't need protecting, Joss."

"Neither did I, but it didn't stop you from doing it! You've been protecting me since we met, even though I never wanted it or asked for it. Why can't I protect you, John, regardless if you need it or not?"

"Because I can't lose you!" he snapped sharply and quietly for only her to hear. He looked around making sure they were in their own little world and they were. Her brown eyes blazed with equal amounts of anger and something else. "You don't understand how much you mean to me; I've been attracted to you since the moment I met you." She blinked as she stared up at him, her anger dying on her face. "I've thought of nothing but you, wanted you, and wished you'd feel the same way I did. But it's very clear to me now that you will never feel the way I do about you."

"John..." He shook his head sliding free of her arms. He was tired.

"Don't, I get it, Joss. You were right when you said that I'm definitely not your type. Your type is Beecher, Ian, or any other guy except me." He looked away, walking away from Joss on the dance floor. He looked around, glad to see that no one had seen or heard anything. He paused as he looked at the front entrance of the ballroom; he had been going to exit. There were three men, entering. One remained near the entrance while the other two began weaving through the attendees. He felt Joss move beside him. "We've got company."

"I see the guy at the entrance, but lost the other two in the crowd," she murmured and they both were all business once more.

"Three man hit squad. I got eyes on one of them making their way towards Banes now, get Banes someplace safe. This gala needs to end now." They parted and he shifted through the crowd, making his way to the one he could see. A gunshot rang out, screams erupted and the room became a sea of moving persons. Damn it, someone fired a shot on purpose to cause pandemonium. John found the one man whose eyes shifted from Banes to him. "You're not getting to him," he assured the man. The man didn't falter as he swung. John sighed needing to hit someone to release some tension as he ducked before landing two quick jabs to his sternum, before knocking the gun out of his hand, and then landed a well-aimed punch sending the man onto the floor unconscious. He took the man's gun before turning to see where Joss and Banes were at. She had Banes running in front of her with the other hitman closing in on her. He stalked his way over while men and women bumped into him, running towards the exit, no one was going to touch a single hair on her head or he'd rip their limbs off.

* * *

"Where's your husband?" Banes shouted. Good question, she thought. But Joss needed to keep this man alive and then ream John a new ass for keeping his feelings for her a secret. She hit the button in her earpiece, unmuting Shaw.

"Shaw we could use some backup, there is one at the front door that we know of, someone fired a shot causing people to panic."

"_Lionel and I are making our way in now__. You__ and Reese kiss and makeup yet_?" She rolled her eyes, not about to answer that. She turned to look behind her when she saw a bald headed man raising his weapon up.

"Get down," she shoved hard at the man she was protecting; Banes immediately slid into the closest room they were at, which so happened to be a janitor's closet as gunshots hit the doorframe splintering the wood. She remained on her knees before sliding out firing back. The man hid behind a wall near the entrance to the side hall. She could see men and women in the ballroom through the glass window still running for their lives. But she saw John stalking his way towards her, even from this far away she could see the dark and menacing look on his handsome face. Well, thank god he was alright.

"_Can these people not scream in my ear, they are so pathetic! The watcher at the front door is taken care of __and I see Reese's handiwork on the other__," _Shaw murmured in her ear, catching her up on what was happening in the ballroom, but she had her own issues in the hall_. _The man aimed his weapon again at her, leaving her an opening which she was going to take. She fired first, hitting the man in his shin. The scream he let out was music to her ears, and John's form as he appeared out of thin air, to sucker punch the man in his face, was icing on the cake.

"You okay, Joss?" he called down the hall to her.

"Fine, so is Banes." She assured John as she motioned for Banes to follow her. He stood up, trembling like a leaf, and followed her out. Shaw and Lionel entered the hall they were standing in. "Did anyone say who they were working for?"

"The door watcher gave us a name before Lady Insane put him in a sleeper hold." Fusco shot Shaw a look that clearly said he thought she belonged in a padded cell.

"Who wants to kill me?" Banes demanded.

"Raymond Arlington."

* * *

Joss stood with Shaw and Fusco, while John was across the ballroom speaking to Finch quietly. Uniforms were filling the ballroom to the brim, talking to Mr. Edward Banes. Banes smiled at her while speaking to a cop, probably glad to have learned that she and John weren't real assassins. Several uniformed officers were sent to Raymond Arlington's home to arrest him.

"So you and wonder boy, huh?" She brought her gaze back on the pair in front of her. "You think you know a person, I mean I guessed wonder boy's feelings but never thought you'd reciprocate. He's not exactly Mr. Peachy."

"I'm not talking about him with either one of you." She couldn't because she had no idea what to say, she had to talk to John first. She felt a presence beside her, she looked over and it was Finch with no John in sight. She looked around and it was like he vanished.

"Thank you, detective, for helping on the case." She smiled, liking Finch's inability to stop calling her 'detective.' Her eyes drifted around the room looking for John. The four of them stood in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until she spoke up.

"Where's John?" She asked cheerily.

"He left, detective." Finch looked away and frowned a bit.

"Left, like left the hotel and didn't even tell his pretend wife?"

"Yes, he claimed too many cops for his liking."

"Doesn't he need to pick up his clothes from our room?" that she didn't even get to share with him. Not that it would have been easy to share a hotel room with him and not want to share a bed.

"Those weren't his clothes, detective, they were for his cover."

"Oh," she felt deflated. She didn't know what she wanted to say to him but she wanted to talk to him. She wasn't about to lose him again. They had gone through a stretch of time without seeing one another after Rikers, and then they fixed things between them. She wasn't willing to let that go for anyone. Then a sickening thought flickered through her brain. What if he was going to see Zoe? "Where did he say he was going?"

"I'm not sure, he just said he was leaving."

"Why does it matter, Carter?" Shaw asked dryly, like she really could care less why.

"None of your business, Shaw." She responded in the same dry tone, before moving out of the ballroom.

"Where are you going, Carter?" Fusco called out, and she paused before turning around to look at them. If John thought he could just walk away from her after telling her how he felt, he had another thing coming. She wasn't sure what the hell they were but she wasn't going to lose him over this, not on his life.

"To go find my fake husband and give him a piece of my mind."

"Well there's your problem, Carter." Shaw snickered.

"What are you talking about?" She was annoyed and crossed her arms across her chest, impatient to go look for John.

"That you think, to Reese, your marriage was fake." She opened her mouth to argue with the brunette that their 'marriage' was indeed fake, but stopped herself. John was attracted to her physically, he was so protective of her, he cared for her, he was hurt she wouldn't tell him about her feelings about her demotion, and he was running for the hills now. A tiny smile filled her face, deciding Shaw was a lot smarter than she gave her credit for.

"Shaw, do me a favor."

"Sure, kneecap Reese so he can't leave until you are through raking hot coals across his bare ass?" Joss clamped down on the urge to laugh. Shaw probably enjoyed autoerotic asphyxiation during intercourse. Fusco and Finch were eyeing Shaw with disturbed looks.

"No, get my clothes, I can't just leave them like John did with his." Shaw nodded, but she sensed that the woman would rather claw her own eyes out with a spoon then do something so mundane.

"Is there anything I can do to help, Jocelyn?" she shifted her eyes onto Finch, seeing the hopeful look on his face.

"Yes, you track me all the time, so I'm assuming you can track John."

"I can."

"Good, give me his location and I'll do the rest." She had a fake marriage to save!

* * *

Author's note: Okay so don't kill me for ending it there, I thought it was pretty good leaving it open ended not every story should have a solid ending. Plus you guys don't want to hurt me because, you need me to finish this lol...right?

Anyways I love you guys for reading and reviewing.


	7. Future

_**Prompt: Future**_

_**Rating: High T, Low M(lol)**_

_**Spoilers: none**_

_**Warnings: mediocre smut, nothing hardcore, just a little lovemaking**_.

_**Setting: post season 3 AU since Joss Carter is alive**_

_**Relationship status: post(broken up Careese)**_

_**Sidenote: Please, please don't harm me for what I did to John everyone enjoys Reese whump right...okay I better go find a suit of armor then go run to hide while you read this!**_

* * *

She walked up the stairs of her home. Two weeks of diving head first into case after case to push aside the overwhelming ache in her heart. Two weeks of sleepless nights, eating too much chocolate, and crying; she felt pitiful. It had to happen, she was so angry and hurt over what John did, she had to break off their engagement. Joss entered her bedroom, her eyes falling to her ring finger where the beautiful diamond ring used to glitter, that was before she handed it back to him. Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't marry John, couldn't be with him until he acknowledged what happened. Until he dealt with his pain, until he dealt with the fact that his life is changed irrevocably, she couldn't be with him.

She unbuttoned her blouse, really wanting a nice long soak in her garden tub. She went to undo her belt, and when she saw a movement, she tensed just before John moved slowly out of her bathroom.

"John, what are you doing here? This is not alright; you do not have the right to just let yourself in here!" Well, there went her relaxing evening. "Get out," she informed firmly, not about to let it go this easily.

"No." She stared at him, feeling horrible. He had a beard roughening his jaws, he clearly hadn't showered or changed clothes and he sounded like he'd been drinking. "Make me."

"John, when have you eaten?" she demanded.

"I dunno," he shrugged. When she'd broken things off with him two weeks ago, he hadn't looked nearly this bad, and now she was worried. She thought breaking up with him would snap him out of the funk he'd sunk into, but it made it worse. She loved this stupid man and wanted the man she fell in love with back, not this replacement that took over when he awoke in the hospital. "Alcohol is better," he answered with a smirk before reaching out, searching for her bed and falling on it. Joss walked over to him, angrily grabbing his shirt and lifting. "If you wanted sex, all you had to do was say the word, Joss." He tried to joke, grabbing her hand.

"John, you lost weight," she hissed, tugging her hand free of his grip.

"Right, forgot you don't want to have sex with half a man."

"Don't you dare go there, don't you dare put words in my mouth," she snapped. "I'm not the one that views you as a half man, you do that all by yourself!"

"I can't do anything I once did, Joss, I can't see!" he growled. She stared at him, his blue eyes were staring straight ahead, and she wished he could get his vision back, but the brain injury he sustained stole it. She was just grateful he was alive, why couldn't he be just as grateful?

"John, you're alive."

"I need to see."

"To what, be a vigilante all your life? John, you nearly died because of Decima, you sustained a brain injury, I thought I was going to lose you, but you pulled through. I could care less that you're blind, you're alive, but you don't see it that way."

"Joss…"

"You're the one that views yourself as half a man because you can't see. I view you as a man that is stronger than this, stronger than anything that's thrown at him, and he's just giving up! You're not half a man, John; you're just a damned coward."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, you're scared of moving on from your life of being a vigilante, you're scared about learning how to move on without your vision, and you are scared that I would leave you. And that pisses me off. How dare you think I'd leave you because you can't see?!" She snarled, angrily watching him as he stood up, trying to look towards where the sound of her voice was coming from. He was angled towards her, but his head was to the side.

"Isn't that what you did, you broke off the engagement?" She flew to him and grabbed his cheeks, forcing his face towards her. She stared into his unseeing blue eyes.

"I broke it off with you because I was hurt and angry with you." She clutched his cheeks in her hands, and his reached up and fumbled until his were resting on her wrists. "I was the one that sat by your bedside wishing you would wake up from your coma, not you. I was the one that cried in the small church, praying you'd come back to me, so we could marry and have that life we dreamed of. You weren't the one that was told you might die; you weren't the one that was told any of that! I was. I was the one that went through it, I was the one that had to sit there and watch you realize you couldn't see. Do you have any idea how that was for me? How I couldn't help you, I felt so helpless when you panicked, realizing your eyes were open and you couldn't see, and I just cried." She paused in the middle of her angry rant drawing in some deep breaths realizing she was crying. But she couldn't stop herself.

"Joss…"

"No you don't get to say anything now; do you have any idea what it was like for me, John, when you pushed me away? Do you know how much it hurt me to see you drink, wouldn't let me help you, and you fell?"

"I shouldn't have come here." He let go of her as he tried to step away from her, and she wouldn't let him escape her. No, not when she finally got him here, these two weeks had been hell. But he made the attempt to seek her out, so it was a good sign. She grabbed his hand, tugging on it, and he was helpless but to allow her to tug him where she wished. He reached out his other hand as if searching, and she pulled him into her bathroom.

"Sit." She pushed on his shoulders until he sat back onto the vanity. She grabbed the t-shirt and yanked upwards. He lost some weight, so he hadn't been taking care of himself; well, when she got him back she was going to fatten him up a bit.

"I'm sorry, I should go."

"You're not going anywhere, John; now that you came here you aren't leaving until I say you can." He opened his mouth to argue but she ignored him. She took his mouth with hers, not about to listen to him, catching him off guard, and she missed his soft lips. She missed the man she loved. She broke the kiss before deepening it, not about to make it easy on him for hurting her feelings and making her break off their engagement. She wanted her damn ring back, but she wasn't sure if he was ready to try to move on with his life after the incident or not. "Did that kiss feel like I didn't want you?" she murmured as she ran the faucet to get tepid water. She opened the cabinet beneath the faucet, and found his shaving kit he left at her place when he spent the night here. She had put it away, knowing he would come around eventually. He might be wallowing in self-pity and pain, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt he loved her and would come back.

When she was happy with the temperature, she lifted her wet hands to his face. She was going to shave this damn beard off. He flinched when the tepid water hit him; she knew it wasn't caused from the temperature but due to surprise since he wasn't accustomed to not being able to see yet and hadn't told him her plan. She gently touched his cheeks and then grabbed the can of shaving cream, squirting a healthy amount onto her hand.

"Keep your mouth shut," she instructed; she thought she caught a snicker from him and she smiled. She hadn't heard John laugh in such a long time. She applied the white cream all over his face, his unseeing eyes looking straight ahead; she found this highly arousing to shave the man she loved. She looked down at herself seeing her shirt was still hanging open. She cleared her throat as she washed her hands clean of the cream before running her index finger across his lips to get the cream off of them. He didn't say anything, she stepped back from him, and flung her shirt off of her shoulders.

"Hold that thought, and stay put," she said sternly.

"Where am I going to go, I can't even find my shirt." He sounded bitter and she glared at him. Well there went her thought he was getting close to moving forward. She quickly exited the bathroom ridding herself of her dress pants, undoing her bra, and yanked on an oversized black shirt that reached her thighs. She made her way barefoot back to her bathroom where John rested in the same spot. He looked so damned hot like this. He'd look ten times better once he was shaved, then they were taking a shower to get squeaky clean and relaxed.

"Your hair needs a trim," she murmured as she played with the length. "Not too much though, I like playing with it, and NO MORE HAIR SPRAY." She grinned as he made a face at her demands. "What? We're going to get back together once you apologize for hurting my feelings and grovel at my feet," she informed as she grabbed the shaver.

"Joss…"

"What am I supposed to do? Just give up on us like you? Someone has to fight for us. Even if it meant I had to break off our engagement to get through your thick skull, then so be it, I did it because we're worth fighting for!" She dared him to say otherwise, she knew as well as he did that they belonged together.

"I love you." He whispered gruffly. "I pushed you away because you're right I'm scared." he admitted quietly as if even admitting he was scared was a weakness. Admitting was the first step, now she needed him to reconcile what happened, and move on with with their future.

"I know you pushed me away out of fear, it's your defense mechanism, John; I've known that about you for a long time. You are scared to be viewed as weak, but I never viewed you as weak or an invalid like you accused me of. You hurt me when you wouldn't believe me that I didn't view you as weak, you hurt me when you wouldn't let me help you, and then you fell down tripping over something I could have prevented if you would have let me." She said grabbing his hand as her eyes searched his face, cream and all.

"I'm sorry," he said his voice rough with emotions. "I never meant to hurt you; I don't know how to move on, Joss; I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." He sounded so lost and for the first time since he awakened from his coma and learned he was blind, she felt like her John was here.

"I know who you are," she lifted her free hand to his heart, touching him. "I know this too. I love you so much, John, and I want that damn ring back on my finger but I can't marry you until I know you are willing to move on with me. I can't be the only one invested in our future," she whispered back. "Please, John, just fight for it, fight for us." He lost all will to fight when he opened his eyes and couldn't see.

"I don't want to lose you, Joss, you're the only thing in my life that I ever did right, and when you gave me back the ring I wanted to die." He couldn't see that his words made tears form in her eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you, for not leaning on you when I needed you, and letting my wounded pride get the better of me. I didn't know how to ask for help to walk around my own place, I felt stupid and weak, and so damned dependent that I hurt you in the process. I'll never forgive myself for causing you pain." She shook her head at that.

"No you don't, don't you dare put guilt on yourself too; there's enough guilt swimming in Shaw and Finch over what happened to you as it is. They had no control over Decima anymore than you have control over going blind. Please John, are you willing to move on with me, on to our future, and we'll figure everything out together?" She prayed he was. She wanted him back, she missed him with every fiber in her being. But this breakup was needed for a wakeup call for him.

"If you still want me after all the pain I caused you; but I don't know who I am anymore. I was a soldier, I was a vigilante, but now I'm not so sure. I can't be either if I can't see."

"We'll figure it out together." She took his mouth, to hell with the shaving cream, and he sighed as he kissed her back. She broke the kiss before it got too carried away, and she wiped the cream off her face. "Now stop distracting me from shaving off this animal fur on your face." She ran the shaver over his face, quickly and efficiently. Once she had that hideous beard off her man's face, she felt better and she thought he did too. She wiped at his face with a towel, and smiled before pressing her mouth to his.

"So can I give you back the ring?" he mumbled between kisses.

"Nope," she pressed back, moving to the tub and shower, turning on the water. He was taking a shower before she made love to him. "That you can give back to me at a romantic dinner, and it has to be a giant romantic gesture, no skimping out this time!" she instructed which got a twitch of a smile to almost form on his lips. "And you have to get down on one knee this time too, I can't believe you asked me while we were getting shot at!"

"I couldn't believe you answered 'yes' while we were being shot at."

"Yeah well call me crazy, I want the whole enchilada this time!" When she was satisfied he wouldn't freeze his tush off, she turned to eye him. She reached immediately for his belt. His brows rose. "Shower time, I am not making love to you until you smell fresh and clean." She bumped into his package on purpose, missing that guy too. They hadn't had sex since before he went into the coma. She couldn't believe she was feeling up John while taking her time undoing his zipper. She felt him respond and harden.

"Sure, taking your time, and I can unzip my pants, thank you very much."

She didn't want him to think she was undressing him because he couldn't see; she just was doing it because she loved undressing him. "I know you can, sheesh, can't a girl get a cheap thrill!" she huffed teasingly. "We haven't had sex in over three months, John. A girl can get a little randy when she's on forced celibacy." She said, catching his mouth with hers playfully. She wanted to keep the mood light now that all the heavy conversation was out of the way. They were back together, but not engaged again just yet. She was holding out for a real engagement this time! That was how he could grovel, he did put her through a lot, and she knew how he would be embarrassed being the center of attention as he asked her to marry him in front of everyone, but she didn't care. She wanted the romance. She broke the kiss. "So can I finish?" She pressed her lips against his smooth cheek.

"Yes." She grinned at his resigned sigh. She went back to painstakingly inching his zipper down, loving that he was squirming beneath her as her hand rubbed against him. "Whoops, I didn't hurt him did I?" she asked as she patted his cock softly.

"Stop it," he sounded a little breathless and she grinned. She urged his pants down, pausing to yank his shoes and socks off. He stood up from the vanity as she flung his jeans behind her. His hands went to the elastic of his boxer briefs and urged them down. She whistled at him, earning her a grunt of embarrassment. He was semi erect, she wanted to grab him, but she exercised her self-control. She had plans of making love, not feasting on John's body. She had to watch him, resist offering assistance because she knew he wouldn't like it, as he fumbled for the shower curtain. Once he was inside the shower, she felt better. She gathered his clothes, taking them out of the bathroom, knowing she had a good ten to fifteen minutes before he was out. Now that he was probably under the water he probably felt more human.

She wanted to burn his clothes; seriously, they reeked of alcohol and from not being cleaned in a while, but she searched his pants pocket for her ring, and found it. She sighed, seeing it. She wanted to put it back on her finger but resisted. She put her ring back in the pocket before flinging his clothes into a heap near hers. Joss eyed herself in vanity mirror, she immediately yanked her wrist watch off, and grabbed her perfume that she knew John was a sucker for and dabbed her neck with the soft jasmine scent. John might have lost his vision but his other senses were heightening to take over for the lack of sight. Joss, rushed out of her room hearing the shower still on, and took the stairs two at a time. She needed to get some food in him too. She opened her fridge, ignoring the beer she grabbed two soda cans, and found the leftover chicken she ordered yesterday. Sex first, chicken and soda while listening to the basketball game after.

She hurried up the stairs, smiling when he hadn't come out of the shower yet. She put the soda cans and plate of cold chicken onto the nightstand. She grabbed her remote for the TV so she could put the game on so he could listen and she could watch while they ate without needing to get up. Joss rid her made up bed of the extra five pillows on it, flinging them, and pulled the comforter down so she could shove John into bed and have her way with him.

She heard the shower shut off and she felt excited. She hurried back to the bathroom, waiting.

"Joss!"

"Yes," she entered. She suddenly realized she forgot to give him a towel, but she was so happy she did. He was all wet.

"Can I have a towel?" he asked quietly. She handed him a towel, feeling like she was drooling while she ogled him as he climbed out of the shower. He ran the towel through his longer hair, first letting her stare at his beautiful naked form before he dried himself. His hair was so adorably rumpled and damp. Some strands lay on his forehead, giving him an almost boyish look.

"Do you feel better?" she asked after a moment.

"Yes," he agreed tying the towel around his hips. She reached down and grabbed his hand before tugging on it. He allowed her to tug him back into the bedroom towards the side of the bed where she snatched the towel from him and she shoved him back.

"Lay back, time to get comfy. John, you need to eat and get some rest." He lifted his legs and she flipped the comforter over his naked body before she climbed onto the bed, climbing under the covers herself and snuggled beside him. He was sitting up leaning against the pillows, looking restless. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Stop it right there, John. You're doing it again. You are trying to hide what you're feeling and it festers and then you try to push me away. Don't, just tell me what you're thinking."

"I wish I could see you," he said quietly. "See your beautiful face, see your eyes, and see that unwavering belief in me. You always see the best in me; I just wish I could see it too." She pushed the comforter back before she straddled him. He moaned as they touched intimately. She wished she wasn't wearing her panties. She yanked her oversized shirt off before grabbing his hands and lifting them to her neck.

"You can still see me, John," she whispered. "Just through touch." She drew his fingers down slowly. Her breath hitched when his fingers brushed her nipples. The soft brush made them harden. She rolled them over so he was on top and laid her hands above her. John's mouth was near hers. "See me, John, feel me," she urged as she lifted her hips, bumping into him. He rested his weight on his left forearm, and tentatively reached out with his right hand, touching her skin. She felt sparks of heat where his fingertips glided. He touched places she wouldn't ever believe were erogenous zones but with him they were. He trailed his fingers up her arm, then down the other, touching her cheek, her neck, down between the valley of her breasts, circling her belly button, and stopped shy of between her legs.

"You're just as beautiful as I remember." He moaned as he took her mouth with his and she wrapped her arms around his neck, desperately kissing him back. Their tongues tangled, she moaned into his mouth when he ground down into her intimately, and they both broke the kiss to gasp at the sensations it caused. His hands fumbled with her panties, so she helped pull them down and he sat back feeling them to yank them off her legs. She spread her legs, as he lay back down between them, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Joss I need to be inside you." He moaned and she kissed him passionately in answer. She felt him position himself at her entrance, before he thrust into her, filling and stretching her to the hilt on one deep stroke. They shared a mutual moan of happiness, she broke the kiss, linking their fingers together, and nuzzled her nose into his.

"You're mine to love," she moaned as he finally moved. He was inside her so deep, she felt like he was touching her heart, and he let go of her hands as he balanced his weight on his hands beside her head as he thrust harder into her. She grabbed his ass, watching him.

"Joss," he moaned hotly as he caught her lips without even needing to see, he didn't fumble as he pounded inside her. She loved that he was taking her quick. She needed it as much as he did. He broke the kiss to fling his head back, his eyes were closed, and his body was tensing. She wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling his beautiful cock jerk deep inside her as he climaxed, he stiffened as his softly cried out her name. The soft cry of her name in his throaty and sexy whispery voice sent her over the edge along with him, loving she could do this to him. His body shuddered as she clenched him inside her as spasms rippled her sex, moaning his name as she licked at his shoulder. They clutched and held one another as they rode out their orgasms until he fell back to the bed beside her, breathing heavy.

She snuggled up beside him, kissing his chest, then his mouth softly, then leaned her sweaty forehead against his. "I learned something just for you John, when we got back together." She murmured.

"Oh," he panted out.

"Yeah John, in mijn ogen je bent perfect." She whispered the words she learned in Dutch just for him. She heard the sucking in of breath. She took his mouth with hers and he kissed her back hungrily. She broke the kiss.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

"Yes you do, now hush about that. I want to bask in the afterglow of making love." She tapped his nose before snuggling into his side again. She rested her head against his chest listening to his heart beating, slowing to a normal rate. He ran a hand through her hair, once both their breathing regulated, she sat up. "Sit up, John." He slowly did as she requested as he yawned softly, she knew he was tired, and wanted to sleep but he needed to eat first. She threw the comforter onto their cooling bodies, and reached out for the plate of chicken on the nightstand before plopping it into his lap. "Eat; I don't like how skinny you are." Before looking back to the nightstand, grabbing her remote, and a can of soda they were going to share, she snuggled into him. She opened the can, while flipping the TV on, and raised the volume before finding the channel with the New York Knicks game on, and John relaxed beside her as he ate his cold chicken. She grabbed a chicken leg, feeling happier than she had in three months, as they sat together, listening to the basketball game, together like they belonged.

* * *

Author's note: Okay see it ended happy Careese is sort of back together, sure they didn't get reengaged but he does need to grovel after pushing her away like he did. Poor thing, I couldn't help whumping John, i just love reading stories where my characters are severely injured. Makes me sound insane but it is the truth lol.

Oh and just wanted to give you guys a heads up, next month from May 3rd-18th I will be on vacation in Florida, so I won't be posting any new stuff from probably beginning of May till about May 20-25th depending on quickly I can catch up on everything. I'll post a chapter to Careese Themes right before I leave for you guys. But just wanted to give you guys a heads up. I won't be able to read any Careese, or write any, that's like hurting me knowing that already lol.

Thanks for reading I love all of you guys!


	8. Despair

_**Prompt: Despair**_  
_**Rating: T**_  
_**Warnings: none**_

_**Spoilers: none**_

_**Setting: takes place sometime post 3x09 but AU since Joss is clearly alive**_

_**Relationship status: established**_

_**Sidenote: Sorry for not updating this for like 3 weeks O.O I did not realize it has been so long. This story is the dreaded Carter sad story though I reread it and it is not as angsty as I originally thought, though rest assured there is angst!**_

* * *

She felt like she was dying, in a way she hoped he was dying. Her heart broken, her soul empty, she had cried enough tears to start a flood. Joss laid in the cramped double sized bed staring out the tiny, rectangular window. The sun was out, birds were chirping, and the sky was crystal clear, not a cloud in sight. The weather seemed not to reflect her current feelings at the moment.

Despair so utterly and completely mixed in with overwhelming guilt and sense of failure.

Joss laid stiffly on her side, her hand rubbing her stomach absently, and thought about the man she loved. The man she destroyed, the man's emotions she chewed up and spat out all due to her failure as a woman. His face had said it all when she blurted out she miscarried their child. All of his emotions flickered across his face like a kaleidoscope. She took the healing man and drop kicked all his hard work at starting over right out the damned window. Everyone said she was good for John, she grounded him, she healed him, she saved him, and she made him happy. John always told her he wasn't good enough for her. Well, they were ALL wrong, each and every last one of them from Finch to John. She didn't heal him, she didn't make him happy, and she was sure the hell not good enough for him. John's anguish over the miscarriage showed bright and she did the one thing she never in her life did before; she ran.

Jocelyn Carter always fought, whether she was fighting for the injustice of others or fighting for herself, she never ever gave up. But she had no fight left. Not when the guilt nearly drowned her, she lost their child, it was her fault. No one else's, no one could make her lose the baby and John needed this baby. He had been so happy, so full of life, unlike ever before, and she wanted this child too. She wanted to have HIS child and she lost him. She didn't go home, she didn't go to her son, or her mother. No, she went to the last place she figured John would ever look for her. The light knock on the door before it opened brought her out of her depressing thoughts to her host who allowed her to bunk in his guest room. Her partner and friend, Fusco, who she was sure John wouldn't think of first as to who she would run to for a place to hide out for a bit.

She wanted to drown in her misery, despair, and guilt alone. She wasn't ready to face John, knowing he would want to call it quits with a woman that wasn't even woman enough to have his child. Fresh tears she was sure she couldn't cry welled up.

"Hey, Carter, you going into work today?"

"No," she whispered quietly, keeping her gaze steady on the window. Her hand never moved from her stomach. She hadn't eaten since she learned she lost their child, didn't feel like it, it would take too much energy. Fusco had forced her to drink water, claiming he'd call John if she didn't. She'd do anything, even force herself to gag something down that tasted like sawdust, before wanting John to find her, to leave her.

"You know the captain will only buy my excuse for a little longer before he gets suspicious."

"I know."

"I'll embellish for him."

"Thanks, Fusco." She murmured when she heard a sound behind her. She didn't bother rolling over to see what he was doing. She'd been here the past couple days and she already got used to his routine. He was putting a large glass of water he expected her to drink there.

"I'm heading out, but before I go why not think about calling wonder boy? He's become a lunatic mess without you."

"I can't."

"Carter, he's frantic; he's tearing down New York in search of you; you really want the state to come down because of him?" She highly doubted Fusco's assertion. John was probably happy that she was gone. He didn't need to look at her, be reminded of the baby she lost, and he probably was finding Zoe, a real woman who could give him what he wanted. Why had he chosen her? Zoe was more womanly than she ever would be, she thought bitterly. Fusco sighed when she didn't respond. "Just get better Carter, I like it better when you're lecturing and telling me what to do." With that said, he finally shut the door. She listened until she heard his front door open and slide shut, leaving her alone in his apartment.

Joss was grateful to be alone again. She curled up into a tight ball, gripping her barren stomach, and sobbed. 

* * *

John felt like his soul had been ripped out of his body, not only when Joss told him about the miscarriage, but when she fled. He could see the cracks in her heart written in the anguished lines on her face that day. Her heart bled as she spoke with him, tears in her eyes, voice cracking and he had just stood there stupidly. He couldn't process her words, so he stood frozen in place and helplessly watched as the woman he loved turned around and ran. She couldn't get away from him fast enough. She was probably angry that he didn't say something, anything in return to what she said, but he couldn't. His heart broke, his own grief over the loss of something he never thought he would ever have was so intense it stole his ability to speak, to think, to act.

But John locked away his own grief, pain, despair, and sorrow over the loss of their child to search for her. That night had been the longest ever, and these past 48 hours have been even longer. He looked for her at her place, asked Taylor where she was, even looked up her mother's residence without any luck. Taylor had grown worried and scared, so he promised he would find his mother safely. He inwardly chided himself for being so stupid. This was his fault, why she had run off, maybe if he had said something instead of standing there, she wouldn't be M.I.A. right now.

He enlisted the help of Finch, Shaw, and Fusco in his desperate pursuit to find her. But Finch had only told him what he figured out. She ditched her phone, so their GPS chip inside it was completely useless to them. Shaw found her state issued car still at the precinct, while her SUV was parked at her residence, neither were touched. John hadn't slept in nearly 72 hours and was running on empty. His exhaustion was bone deep, the pain over what happened tried to get a strangle hold on him, but he ignored both. He wasn't going to allow his emotions or the overwhelming exhaustion get in his way of finding the woman he loved. Even if she didn't want to see him, even if she was angry with him over his reaction to her...no, their loss, he needed to know if she was alright and explain how he felt that night.

John guzzled down the last bit of his coffee as he waited outside of the precinct she worked at. He waited there for two reasons: one just in case she actually showed up for work and two, because of Fusco. His last conversation with Lionel left him feeling suspicious that he knew more than he was letting on. If she had called Fusco, he needed to know what she said and if he knew of her whereabouts. John immediately exited his car when he saw Fusco appear in his line of vision, moving slowly but surely towards the front steps of the precinct. He scanned the surrounding area, noting with distinct worry that Joss was once again a no show.

"Lionel," the short, stocky man paused on the bottom step before turning around slowly with a sigh.

"You could give a guy a heart attack just popping in out of nowhere, you know that, Wonder Boy?!" he griped. "To answer your question, no, I haven't seen or heard from her." John didn't say anything, just noted the fact that Lionel looked away the moment he spoke.

"You wouldn't be lying to me, now would you, Lionel?"

"Why would I lie? I want her back as much as you do, you think it's easy doing all the work? I prefer my partner being around to carry half the load."

"It's good to know you like to have Carter around to do your work for you, but I don't believe that you haven't heard from her."

"Oh yeah, and why is that?"

"Because I can tell when you're lying to me and you are lying to me. So cut the crap and tell me, " he said with a dark smile.

"Or what, Wonder Boy?"

"You don't want to know what I'll do to you if you don't tell me what you know." Fusco sighed.

"I told her you were going off the reservation. Seriously, how about thinking about seeking help for you obvious anger issues! Look, she doesn't want to talk to you right now."

"Just tell me what she said."

"She hasn't really said anything, she's not doing much of anything."

"What do you mean?"

"She won't eat, I have to force her to drink by claiming I'd call you, Mr. Sunshine. She just lays in bed staring out the damned window. It's not like her."

"She's at your place," he growled, his eyes blazed with anger, realizing she had been under his nose this entire time and Lionel didn't bother telling him.

"She's my friend and partner, she asked me not to tell you, so I didn't. You know you're not the only one that has loyalties." John fisted his hands, trying to not snap Fusco in half for not telling him, but the rage died instantly. At least she was safe with someone. She had gone to Fusco. He whirled around on his heels making a beeline for his car. "Hey, Wonder Boy, don't screw her up any more than she is already with your peachiness." He didn't bother acknowledging Fusco, he just climbed into his car, slammed the car into drive, and drove quickly away.

His only thoughts were centered on Joss as he drove. He found Fusco's place easily since he kept watch on the man, making sure he stayed out of trouble. He slid from his car, running to the complex. He found Lionel's apartment number before quickly picking the lock. His need to see her overrode everything else. The tumbler of the lock clicked and he pushed it open. The small apartment appeared empty.

"Joss," he called out, he was almost afraid that she had left before he got there. He rushed towards the tiny hallway in the back of the apartment, throwing open the door on the left. He found her lying on her side, facing away from him, and a large glass of water untouched on the nightstand. He moved fast, grabbed her shoulder, and pulled her over. Her brown eyes were dull and dim, no warmth that usually sparkled there in sight. "Joss, baby, I was so worried when I couldn't find you." She was wearing the same clothing as she was when she told him about losing the baby. He reached out brushing his fingertips against her skin.

He was scared. He never seen her like this, where was the woman he loved? Where was the fight in her, it was like she was void of everything. Her eyes moved watching him, but she hadn't spoken a word. He slid his coat and suit jacket off, placing them on the hook on the back of the door. John silently climbed onto the bed, tugging her into his arms.

"Let it out, Joss," he whispered in her ear. Her eyes closed immediately. "It's okay, I'm here." It was like a dam broke. Her entire body shuddered, tears fell, and sobs escaped her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her, rocking her gently.

"I l-lost o-our baby, John." He caught a word here and there, trying to piece together what she was saying between gasping breaths and sobs. It sounded like she was blaming herself for losing their baby and he could kick himself for not saying something when she told him. He held her tightly, she buried her face into the pillow as her body heaved. He stroked her arm lightly, silently waiting for her to finish. He cried quietly too, not just for the loss of their child, but the desperate agony Joss was in. He didn't know what to say or do to help her. So he just held her. She started saying something, he couldn't understand a word she said, it was muffled in the pillow. So he waited. After several minutes the sobs quieted down, her shaking ceased, and she sniffed. He leaned up, gently brushing his thumb across her wet cheek wiping away the tears.

"I'm sorry, Joss, for not being there for you, " he whispered in her ear. She rolled over to look at him with confusion clear on her face.

"What are you talking about?" her voice was rough with emotion still. "You have nothing to apologize for, John, I'm the one that does. I'm the one that lost our child, it's all my fault." Fresh tears filled her brown eyes. He shook his head immediately.

"How, how is it your fault?"

"The baby was growing inside ME and me alone! I should have taken care of myself and our child better, maybe if I just did something different I wouldn't have lost our baby!"

"No, you took perfect care of yourself and our child."

"Stop it," she hissed. She squirmed and struggled, he was helpless to do anything but release her. He sat up, watching her. His eyes blazed as she stood up. He took a quick sweep of her body. Fusco's words rang in his head.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Go away! I want you to go, I want to be alone like I deserve. Go find Zoe, she's a real woman. I can't even carry our child to term." He wasn't about to let her leave him, they could get past this together. Yes, it hurt and yes he wished more than anything that their baby wasn't lost to them, but he couldn't lose her too. He didn't want Zoe or any woman for that matter, he only wanted her.

"I asked you, when was the last time you ate?" He demanded as he moved quickly off the bed, grabbing her elbow, and forced her to look at him. He didn't like what was happening to her. She was clearly sinking into depression. She blamed herself for losing the baby, even though she hadn't done anything wrong. He would never believe Joss had done something to lose the baby. She was kind, nurturing, and so loving. He just needed to get her to believe that, but right now she was desperate to hold onto her guilt. It was easier to hang on to your guilt, to hate yourself, rather than try to move on. He knew from experience.

"Let go of me."

"No, I will never let you go." She struggled slightly. "Since you won't answer my question, that tells me it hasn't been for a while. I can recognize the signs of depression, Joss, please let me help you."

"Why won't you just leave me and leave me alone?"

"I love you. You're hurting, so am I, Joss, you think it's easy for me, to know our child is gone? I hurt too, then I couldn't find you, and I can't lose you too." His breath hitched. He hated the pain that radiated out of him, he knew she couldn't handle his pain and hers too, but he couldn't hide it either. Her eyes watered.

"But…"

"No buts, I love you. We can get through this together." He moved closer, grabbing her cheeks, caressing his thumbs across her face lovingly and rested his forehead against hers. "We've been through so much, please, don't leave me now."

"How can you still love me?"

"How can I not still love you? You loved our child, you wanted our child, and you're devastated that you lost him. I know you won't magically move on from this, neither will I, it will take time, but just let me be beside you for you to lean on me. We can mourn him together, learn to move on from the pain together, and heal together." He pressed his lips against her cheeks, before he took her lips with his. He poured all the love he felt for this woman into it. He sipped at her lips trying to coax her into forgiving herself for something she didn't even do. He felt her resolve crumble, her arms wrapped around his neck tightly, and kissed him back hungrily. They broke apart after a few minutes.

"I don't deserve you," she breathed and he shook his head. How come they switched, he always felt not worthy of her, and now he's the one that has to assure her that she's worthy of him. Now he knew why she always exhaled roughly, and got annoyed whenever he doubted his worth of her. He kissed her softly.

"Yes you do, you love me just as much as I love you." He said against her lips. "Let me take you home, I'll fix you lunch, bring it to you in bed, make you a bubble bath, and give you a massage." He offered. "Shaw and Finch will take care of any number we might get; you are the most important person in my life."

"You really can forgive me for losing our child?"

"There's nothing to forgive, love. It wasn't your fault, it just wasn't meant to be." He gently nudged her nose with his. Her brown gaze lifted to his. He saw a shadow of a smile attempting to cross her face but fell short.

"A bubble bath with the man I love would be nice, very nice." He smiled softly when he saw a small flicker of the woman he loved.

"I think I could handle that, only if you promise to eat a really big lunch for me." She nodded. "You scared me, Joss. Please, just don't disappear on me even if you want to be alone for a few days, just don't disappear on me," he pleaded.

"I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology I just need your promise, I can't lose you too." She nodded and he tugged her into a tight hug. She squeezed him so tightly. "Come on, let's go and give Lionel his apartment back." He pulled back. John grabbed his jackets sliding his heavy wool jacket on her, not sure if she arrived with a jacket or not. He slid his suit blazer back on, before sliding the door open and had an arm wrapped around her hip, underneath his jacket. He cupped her hip possessively. He watched her silently as they moved towards Lionel's front door, seeing the same despair and anguish on her face, but he also saw something he hadn't seen since Joss told him about the loss of their child. Hope. She had hope that things would get better, that her heart would heal, just as his would eventually. They exited Lionel's place, and walked side by side, together again and that was how it was going to be for the rest of their lives. 

* * *

Author's note: Um, is it safe to still come out and play with my fellow Careesers, right? But rest assured I have a really light hearted story coming up and it's sexy too which for those readers who don't like smut there will be smut next chapter just for an fyi :D

One little thing I still have the marriage part 2 coming as well as a part 2 to guilt(per request) but I don't think either one will be posted before I leave for vacation :( They are still rough around the edges, so I do not want to hurry them up and have it suffer thanks to trying to hurry and post before I go on vacation. So I hope you guys can be a little bit more patient on the companion pieces to those two oneshots.

Okay with that said I appreciate you guys waiting for a new update and for reading! I appreciate you guys!


	9. Tease

**Prompt: Tease**  
**Rating: M definitely M**

**Warnings: smut on the more graphic side, sorry if that's not your thing**

**Spoilers: none**

**Setting: after 3x09 so AU.**

**Relationship status: established**

* * *

"Well that was fun," John moaned before kissing Joss solidly on the lips while lying on his side, looking down at her. He pulled the stethoscope from beneath the comforter, drawing it up her naked form. "I want to try this bad boy out again." His smirk turned to a flow blown smile that packed a lot of megawatts her way as it hung from his middle finger. Uh-oh, she was still pissed at him. He threw the stethoscope he would never view the same way again off the bed, before watching his wife climb out of bed angrily. "You're still mad, even after the extensive physical exam I just gave you?" he teased, earning him a frosty glare as she yanked on a robe. He sat up, leaned against their headboard and watched her, amused as she began pacing back and forth, occasionally pausing to throw him a glacial look before resuming her pacing. She had no idea how hot she was when she was angry, he felt himself respond accordingly. "Joss..."

"You could have blown my cover!" She hissed angrily at him.

"I'm sorry," he swallowed his laughter when it became incredibly obvious her temper was close to snapping. "I didn't realize that Mrs. Kerr would go looking for you." The lethal look he was receiving made him squirm. Did she know whenever she scolded him it made him hot? He bet she didn't. "I'm sorry I kissed you and almost blew your cover," he spoke in rote.

"John you didn't kiss me, you groped me; nearly giving poor old Mrs. Kerr a heart attack, seeing your hands under my clothes!"

"I did not grope."

"There was groping," she assured him. "I thought you were going to attack me like some damned animal in heat."

"Can you blame me, Joss; you were undercover as a nurse," he grinned sheepishly. "And we are newlyweds and all." He pushed the comforter off, standing up completely naked and hardening for her.

"Oh no, down boy! I'm still angry with you."

"Yet we fell into bed to play doctor." He stalked her as she backpedaled.

"That was different, that was 'I'm mad at you' sex." He laughed. "Don't laugh, there is such a thing called that."

"Really, who calls it that?" he murmured as he reached out snatching her wrist pulling her against him. "People that claim to be angry and aren't really? You enjoyed me pawing you at the hospital; you enjoyed me panting after you," he whispered in her ear.

"No, I didn't." she twisted and freed herself before backpedaling again. "I was there to do a job, mister. You shoved me into an empty room and we nearly had sex on the hospital bed." She pointed her index finger, lecturing him, but her eyes were between his legs. "Talk about unprofessional, Finch would kill us both." Her words faltered as continued to gaze at burgeoning manhood, but she lifted her gaze and he saw a mixture of desire and defiance in her eyes.

"Then Finch should have asked Shaw to go undercover as a nurse and not my hot detective wife," he replied as if this would have been a solution.

"Oh right, blame it on Finch; you need some self-control, John!" she looked behind her, seeing how much space there was between her and the wall. He reached out and he caught her around the waist, hauling her up onto his shoulder.

"First you have handcuffs, then a hot nurse's outfit, how am I to resist you?" he teased as he turned, patting her butt to incite her more. She wiggled, squirmed, and was cussing him out, and he grinned, turning to carry her to their bed.

"You giant Neanderthal! Civilized men do not do this! They do not carry their women to bed like a damned caveman." She slapped his ass hard, the sound carried into their bedroom; the sting didn't even make him falter. "Put me down!"

"Oh I will," he assured her, flipping her down onto the bed, going for the sash at her waist, easily pulling it apart. He leaned over her and caught a tight nipple into his mouth. She moaned.

"No! I'm mad at you!" She gasped as he sucked harder. He didn't bother saying that she might be mad at him but her body wasn't. He slid a hand between her legs, finding her wet and warm. He sank a finger into her, then a second. Her almost legs almost involuntarily fell wide apart. She sighed as he released her one breast just to attend to the other. He climbed onto the bed, keeping his rhythm as he stroked inside her before adding his thumb to touch her clitoris, knowing what would excite his wife. "John," she moaned as her fingers dug into his shoulders, her hips lifting into his touch. He drew on her nipple hard at first and then sucked gently. He looked up at his wife adoringly, seeing she was so close, could feel it in the way she was tensing, so he withdrew his hand from her sex and lifted his mouth from her breasts. He sat on his knees, deciding it was high time for payback. His beautiful wife had teased him with a sexy striptease last week, not allowing him to touch until she allowed him, well it was his turn.

"You know what Joss? You're right, I'm manhandling you, and I nearly got your cover blown which angers you. I can't expect to make love to you to apologize," he agreed, keeping a straight face as her eyes blinked open in shock. "I'll go sleep on the couch. I should take a cold shower first." He murmured looking down at his erection. God he wanted her. He stood up from the bed.

"Wait, what?" She sat up, fully realizing he was stopping.

"I'm conceding you are right, Joss, it was wrong of me."

"Apology accepted, get over here!" she commanded.

"I don't think you mean it, no, I should sleep on the couch tonight." he murmured regretfully. He turned and walked towards their bathroom with a stupid grin on his face, while internally counting how long it would take her to storm after him. He started their shower; he had just stepped into it, realizing it was cool but not ice cold, when the door to the bathroom slammed shut. He turned and saw his wife staring at him. "You…you…are doing this on purpose." He grinned evilly as the water pelted him. He opened the glass door.

"Maybe. Maybe it's to get back at you teasing me with your striptease," he said; Joss's pretty face narrowed. Her eyes raked over his body, she immediately shrugged her open robe off, and he chuckled as she stomped over to the shower and entered. "You look good wet, Joss," he muttered, more to himself then to her. Her nipples were taut, desire and laughter sparkling in her eyes.

"So do you," she whispered. "So how long are you going to make me wait?" she purred as she touched his erection. "Because as I see it, this guy wants me and hates your teasing just as I do."

"Maybe I'll take matters into my own hands," he said gruffly, watching her eyes darken further.

"You mean something like this," she whispered, sliding her hand between her legs, touching herself, and gasped. He curled his hands into fists as he struggled to resist the urge to grab her. He was supposed to be teasing her, not the other way around. His eyes watched her hand move, rubbing herself, as she leaned against the shower wall. "You are so easy, John," she taunted seductively and his eyes lifted. "You look ready to devour me," she said as her other hand touched her breast. He silently watched his wife pleasuring herself, and wanted nothing more than to grab her and finish this. But he didn't want to let her win this, so he remained where he was and watched. His cock throbbed madly as her eyes shut and moaned his name as she got lost in the sensations.

He stepped close to her, her eyes opened and she grinned at him.

"Come," he whispered. "Just like this," he shuddered as he grabbed her leg, putting it on the edge of the tub, pushing the door out of the way, so he could watch her pleasure herself. She moaned as she abandoned touching her breast to lay it on his shoulder as she found a rhythm she enjoyed. He rested a hand on her thigh, holding her leg where he put it, his eyes between her legs, watching her hand move in a circular movement, stroking herself to orgasm. His name was moaned, her hips moved forward, and he knew she was so close to her orgasm. "Stroke yourself harder, Joss." He murmured knowing how she enjoyed it.

"Oh, god!" She cried and he wrapped an arm around her waist as her hips surged forward, her orgasm crashing into her. He had enough, he lifted her like a doll, and slammed into her, her hips crashed into the shower wall from the force, another moan escaping from her. Her sex was still spasming as he pounded into her. She leaned forward into his arms as he thrust into her hard. She cried out into his ear. He loved when his wife had a multi, she was so beautiful when she came apart. The way she clutched him in a vise grip, her vaginal walls clenching, he knew she was so close. She was panting breaths, still on the high from her previous orgasm. He reached between them and stroked her swollen clit with his free hand while using the other to hold her to him, she latched her mouth on his shoulder muffling a scream, and he pounded his way to his own orgasm. The way she shattered, spasmed around his cock, he couldn't hold out any longer. He shouted Joss's name as his jerked deep inside her, and emptied himself inside her welcoming hold.

It took a few minutes for him to realize he could possibly be crushing his wife against the wall. He moved languidly and looked into her eyes. "You okay?"

"Okay? That had to be the hottest makeup sex we've ever had." She grinned, still with her arms around his neck, legs wrapped around his hips, and with him still buried inside her.

"Yeah, I think you're right."

"So you always wanted me to tease you with touching myself, huh." She murmured with a kiss to his cheek, then lips.

"Maybe," he grinned as he turned with her in his arms and shut the shower off. He carried her out of the shower and she finally released her death grip of his hips and he eased out of her. He grabbed a towel drying them both off. "So does this mean you aren't upset anymore? I really didn't realize that Ms. Kerr would look for you, but I should have kept my hands to myself," he conceded and she nodded.

"Well, it depends."

"On what?" he wondered.

"Do I get to give you an extensive physical exam, as I am Nurse Joss?" She teased with a devilish grin on her face.

"You're insatiable, woman."

"Look who's talking," she laughed with a pointed look between his legs as he stirred. "I want to take that stethoscope out for a spin." She nibbled on his neck as she linked their fingers together, tugging him out of their bathroom towards their bed; both still completely naked.

"For you, anything," he agreed, allowing her to push him onto the bed. He sat and watched her bend down and pick up the stethoscope before putting it around her neck. His eyes roved over her, completely naked besides the stethoscope. "I'm gonna enjoy playing your patient, Joss."

"Trust me, John, you are going to thoroughly enjoy my examination." She assured him with a wink as she climbed onto the bed. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she was going to rock his world. 

* * *

Author's note: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay some smutty fun stuff until I can post after my vacation. Hope you enjoyed...I almost wrote out the extensive exam but stopped myself.

Thanks everyone as always I love you guys for reading/reviewing I appreciate it! I won't be updating this until sometime late May, I'll try to respond to any reviews to this before I leave Saturday morning at 6am. And to everyone that sent me a private message I see all of them I will be responding to you guys too tomorrow, I haven't forgotten it's just I wanted to get these chapters out like I promised and everything was so hectic today!


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